00:00:00: Music.

00:00:08: Everybody welcome back to me and the gals for this episode I am again joined by both of my gals if you want to say hi Sofia Karina.

00:00:17: Hello this is Sofia hi this is Karina.

00:00:21: Today we're talking about something that when I first introduced this topic to me it to you should use them to me I was like very confused no when I introduce it to you like a hug okay why.

00:00:33: So I'll be interested now to see how the next 20 or so minutes go so today's topic was or is why do women when they're among each other talk so much about relationships and so much less about business and careers and

00:00:47: 50,000 other possible subjects we could be talking about in life and the reason.

00:00:53: That I came to this sort of idea was I remember specifically there was a situation where a friend of mine had told me that she was now living in an apartment that her father owns and that

00:01:06: there was a way to.

00:01:10: Be gifted this apartment so that she wouldn't have to pay an inheritance tax later so there's a lot of details to that but what I'm trying to get to is that

00:01:19: that's something we don't normally talk about we don't normally talk about how we're managing our money what do we think our next career step should be,

00:01:27: if we're entrepreneurs or sheep Runners as they known we don't necessarily talk about that and you both are she preneur has or entrepreneurs so I thought this would be an interesting question to put to you

00:01:38: and to find out a little bit more about why especially

00:01:42: when were younger as women we don't necessarily talk about business a lot and it's all about the new guy the new gal our lives and what they were doing and how we felt so

00:01:53: my first question after my rather lengthy intro is why are we so interested in relationships

00:02:01: and why does it dominate our conversation so much what do you think or do you even agree.

00:02:07: Yes and no I think one simple answer to your question is because women are more elevated.

00:02:16: In what way we are more capable of actually talking about feelings and relationships and the way things go.

00:02:25: Then most men are actually so I think most mostly the moment we do run into a woman we can talk to

00:02:34: I don't know any can we go no burst out and talk about that because that's more important to us but having said that I'm not sure I totally agree but because I have a couple of.

00:02:49: Female friends where we actually do speak about.

00:02:52: Economics and career moves and you know different job issues and.

00:03:00: Was that the same when you were younger though Karina did you back let's say when you were in your 30s or 20s or even younger.

00:03:07: Did you also find you were talking a lot about business and careers and maybe not so much about relationships I guess I'm not the

00:03:16: ideal person to ask the question because when I was young I chose a very male profession since I was an engineer and metallurgist we all the people I met in my professional work was

00:03:30: guys and men and they would speak a lot about careers and jobs and opportunities and stuff so I did join those conversations

00:03:39: yeah I love that but with my female friends maybe not so much it depends if they would have a career as,

00:03:49: as I had then we might have spoken about it yes yeah here's another one I spent many years as an expat and there I would have.

00:03:59: There I met a lot of women who did not have a professional life and then it was sort of pointless to talk about it then we did discuss kids and.

00:04:09: Cooking recipes and after school activities.

00:04:15: Yeah which is not to be considered not important because those are also important subjects in our lives because you know women take care of families and kids and hold the whole shift together in a way,

00:04:28: so would you say that you mean you were in a Latin American country which I think is it may be an important caveat to that but would you say that because.

00:04:38: If men were more able or male energy because I don't really like the dichotomy there all the time if male and you were more capable of talking about relationships they would.

00:04:48: Is that what you're saying exactly they would and they should because it would be good for them hmm what about you Sofia.

00:04:57: Yeah I was thinking while Karina was talking that.

00:05:04: I I would also have to say yes and no because.

00:05:10: I have always had a business mind.

00:05:14: With me I mean very early on because I'm very goal-oriented so I know this sounds crazy but I knew when I was like.

00:05:26: 12:13 what I wanted to do in life so to be able to do that.

00:05:34: I had to really focus on my career and different.

00:05:39: You know steps strategic steps and so on and but I wouldn't necessarily say that I talked with.

00:05:48: Other women about business some actually but not a lot but I must say that.

00:05:57: Karina and I are we speak a lot about business we do yes we speak a lot about how to improve how to how to set goals L and reach goals yeah so both and because I

00:06:11: we are entrepreneurs.

00:06:13: And we talked a lot about it I think it's quite nice not to talk about it when we when we see friends and well,

00:06:22: especially women then.

00:06:25: It could also be of course that you don't have to talk about it so much anymore maybe talking about relationships is when it's not going so well or when you're not actually together.

00:06:36: But with another person male or female whatever and that's so it doesn't have to be.

00:06:42: This conversation about like kids all the time like my problem with a lot of my in this case now heteronormative.

00:06:48: Friends and relationships is that there's a lot of talk about the children

00:06:53: for example and then the bones of contention that brings because the partners not helping out or not in the way that they would like them too

00:07:01: and so very quickly I noticed that even when I am talking about my career because my kids fully grown I also don't have to talk about kids and diapers anymore.

00:07:10: Thankfully I feel like it very quickly goes back from the career talk to.

00:07:17: Children and relationships and sometimes I get a little frustrated because I feel like well.

00:07:22: You know it gets really old talking about all the patterns and relationships and yes it's annoying when a partner doesn't help out and

00:07:30: and I would just so much more like to talk about not just business but like spirituality maybe or maybe this Museum I went to but I found in the years that I've.

00:07:40: Had these experiences that their will it kept

00:07:43: circling back to relationships and I love what Karina said that because she was working with men there was actually a space for you to talk about other things than you know traditional I'm going to call it now.

00:07:58: Areas of expertise and that was a frustrating thing but I'm what I'm hearing now is that you actually don't have to contend with that so much yeah.

00:08:07: Exactly yes so why do you think that.

00:08:13: Relationships play such a defining role in women's lives that's a broad stroking it that it's only women.

00:08:22: Oh I think,

00:08:26: since we talked about menopause before I think actually we have so many different hormones also in our body that changes all the time and we are totally.

00:08:39: Dependent yeah we're months and the so I think that yeah yeah and I think even though you may be not aware that it's the hormones that are talking I think you need to talk more and express more than,

00:08:53: no maybe not I think men also need to express their feelings but not

00:08:58: being brought up to do that no Society no but I also think we are slightly different wired.

00:09:05: Absolutely can I say that yeah is that okay yes because I think we are very different.

00:09:13: Species I mean there's a lot of research out there now about how

00:09:18: there's different wiring and now I've heard contradicting research actually it says no command it's not that much but I do think

00:09:27: that the nature-nurture debate you can have it until the youngest day was it raised that way the child or was it genetic but I think for me

00:09:36: what I always felt as such a relief when I hung out with men just like something what Karina said is that it wasn't just this one

00:09:43: topic all the time because it made me feel like that's all that's important that's like a big milestone in my life is to have this relationship and so I'm going to talk about it Ad nauseam until I've gotten this relationship thing right.

00:09:57: And it sounds to me like it sounds to me like you.

00:10:03: Don't necessarily have that later on in life like we talk about business all the time but my friends who all have children much younger than mine it's all about the children

00:10:16: and the work-life balance which is a challenge I've been through it but I get so tired because it's like

00:10:22: I'm as a woman I feel like I'm here for more than just romantic and or other relationships.

00:10:30: Yeah I mean can you just imagine then.

00:10:33: Not having kids and have to listen to it oh yeah I know and I know that I made a choice in life actually

00:10:43: to step away a bit from from those women because I don't find it interesting it sounds really really horrible

00:10:50: and when you say you don't like listen to mothers and their kids it's like saying you I don't want peace on Earth but it's I think sometimes it's can be too much and you said something if I can go back a little bit you said something about women who see each other and they complain about the partners and whatever and I do have somebody you know in my circle that

00:11:14: they constantly are

00:11:17: complaining about the partners and I have never even understood that because I mean if there are so many.

00:11:25: Issues issues in a relationship why are you even together then so I can never contribute in those conversations either because.

00:11:36: I'm very happy about my relationship and if I do have an issue.

00:11:41: Then I will absolutely speak to Corrine about it's not with my girlfriend's I speak with Carina feresten.

00:11:48: Hopefully we can solve it yeah discuss yeah.

00:11:53: So but I mean this whole thing about a lot of women talking only about their kids.

00:12:00: Or their relationships yeah yeah it is a big thing to have a child and to.

00:12:06: Do your best to try to raise that child and all that and I mean it is a fact that whatever you are experiencing in your life it.

00:12:16: That is what will come up when you meet other people and if you have difficulties even more so but.

00:12:22: I think it's a question about sort of lifting your yourself a bit up and see there are other things to discuss you know

00:12:31: yeah I didn't mean it but I mean for one exception I could talk about new for us yeah I know it's a big part of your life and that's why you feel you want to talk about it that's what I mean when you have your child yourself,

00:12:46: filled with everything that has to do with this child and you have to put yourself aside a bit I guess yeah

00:12:54: I mean kids are a whole nother distraction in themselves and there are very worthy one in terms of of course you have to put most of your energy towards them right but even as kids get older and even before,

00:13:07: I had kids or maybe especially before I had a child I just felt like there was a lot of.

00:13:14: Pressure to get the relationship thing right which is especially important when you are planning on having a child with this person but I think what frustrates me and maybe this gets a little bit more to the root.

00:13:26: Of the problem versus,

00:13:28: mother's talking about their children too much which I'm sure we can have a separate episode about but the root of the problem for me is I have real Financial.

00:13:39: And career disadvantages because I haven't been raised to have these conversations and that is the point that I'm trying to make I think is that I have real.

00:13:51: Financial challenges because

00:13:55: nobody thought and I certainly didn't come up with the idea I'm as much responsible to talk to me about girl how are you going to manage

00:14:03: your financial situation what about stock options how come I'm not interested in crypto whatever it is there's a true Financial

00:14:12: repercussion to not having these relationships what do you think about that I think we have to first admit.

00:14:20: There are cultural differences here I mean if I would look at

00:14:24: a woman's life and upbringing in South America that would be one thing and if you look at the Swedish woman being brought up in Sweden and living her life in Sweden she would have much more possibilities of actually

00:14:38: exposing herself to that type of knowledge that's,

00:14:42: that is a fact I think overall you mean overall yeah and then of course it varies with your because you weren't explain do I want but I somehow was taught.

00:14:55: The hard way home to take care of my own,

00:14:58: business you know this is a very difficult question because it also depends on what type of parents you have and how they sort of engage in your in that part of your education and.

00:15:11: Mmm my mother actually said to me you know she said some really yeah she was like she was very wise yeah she was wise I realized that now when I'm almost.

00:15:22: 50 odd and say that but she always said to me make your own money Sofia.

00:15:30: How about the pendant don't be dependent on anybody and like she didn't save fuck off but she said

00:15:37: kind of like a really glad fuck off account so you won't have to stay in something that you are you know that you have to and I also had to work very early

00:15:50: my own money

00:15:52: I have the same situation my mom brought me up to be financially independent right and also what you said to really manage yourself but I guess what I feel I mean is that I was not prepared for the

00:16:06: business and career world I was not taught how to negotiate for example or.

00:16:13: You know friends didn't say hey I just got a really good tip on this stock for example I don't have a single female friend who's invested in crypto is any of you.

00:16:24: Not female no no but that's what I mean like the boldness I'm gonna say it's bold that men often bring and the Curiosity that they bring to it and the ambition

00:16:36: I'm gonna honestly say nobody instilled that and here's my responsibility I didn't seek it out so much because you know why hmm

00:16:46: cause you were busy changing diapers yeah I mean yeah simple as that I would say yeah but even before the children came.

00:16:56: Yeah but then you will be super pairing for that position in your life hmm.

00:17:02: It's just a shame that you don't get groomed for these things and so then you don't become curious about them.

00:17:09: Precisely what I have to say that I was curious.

00:17:15: Because my father was an excellent businessman who taught you a lot yeah and he was also very fair business

00:17:23: man and he always you know he gave me some

00:17:28: tips and advice good advice how to do it and now you know if you're going to sell something before that it was digital you know

00:17:37: always write something in the ad like don't hide if it's something wrong with it

00:17:42: it to try to smooth it over you have to be very honest to fear because that's the way it turns out that is yeah exactly and that was when I was like 11 but so

00:17:52: wow a bit of childish advice maybe but he started early and yeah he taught me a lot yeah I taught myself because there were never any money in my home when I was a child.

00:18:04: I think it's also very unusual so if I wanted to buy something I had to find a job that would pay the money so I could get it.

00:18:12: Me to zero when it came to special clothing or stuff so I didn't really have someone to rely on in that.

00:18:20: In that way which I clearly can see today if I would have had that.

00:18:27: I couldn't be him I could have gone so far because I realized that I had got good brains you know

00:18:36: you have a very good you have a for honey don't you think we have gone far of course we have but yeah I

00:18:43: what I mean is you're like a corporate job your yeah your upbringing is so important when it comes to these questions mmm,

00:18:51: and your mother the role model who did you have to look.

00:18:55: To you know dem father and father exactly like the way Sophia's father seems to have talked to her again I don't know a lot of women

00:19:05: whose fathers or mothers whoever is the business savvy person in the parents of constellation I don't know a lot who were talked to and that way

00:19:14: girl children boy children more maybe I don't know but I thought it's interesting that.

00:19:22: But yeah that your father took that time somehow - my mother she she may be treated me as one of the you know you know like like girl if you can say so but my father always.

00:19:35: Treated me more like a human being you know he'd capable human being yeah not like a boy or a girl he told me everything he played with the dolls but he also showed me how to repair the bike

00:19:48: the Woodworks Woodworks and so on so oh you're such a good dad yeah yeah he is yes he with me it was,

00:19:56: we need to get a man to fix your bike okay well you can imagine different is hitchhike.

00:20:04: I know it's just such a different way but maybe that is a generational thing because I know for younger women they don't have these kinds of tales always to tell they have a different perspective and they.

00:20:17: Demand that they be taught or that they go and learn it themselves I mean the age of YouTube I guess you can repair your own damn bike anyway you just watch a video that there's a lot of empowerment there.

00:20:29: And I find that very very encouraging I love watching younger women just demand their place in this world so it's.

00:20:38: Good times are coming my father did teach me a lot of things which didn't have to do with you know Investments or money or all that but he did,

00:20:49: teach me how to repair a car and he was StreetWise how he was like yeah he was StreetWise the first car I bought him and I we.

00:20:59: Took that car apart into the smallest pieces and we put it together again the whole damn car

00:21:07: because he wanted to show me how it's done what a crazy thing to know actually yeah we had a huge warehouse and with a huge

00:21:15: flooring where we would put all the little pieces in different positions so we would know where to put them on you're going to put them back and that car actually functioned

00:21:26: no motor everything.

00:21:28: Wow so he did teach me some other pride and a sense of accomplishment and something tangible that you do with your hair that's really good that we don't have to go to the bathroom and my mother taught me how to sew,

00:21:41: mmm yeah see that well of course I know how to do right yeah I can so I can stitch all right anyway so I want to wrap this up unless there's something more you wanted to say and I interrupted you,

00:21:54: no no I said just think that this is a very broad subject come to think about it I just wanted to say that that.

00:22:03: Yes my father and mother they made me very capable but you know it's can also be like a burden because I am so freaking capable so I sometimes.

00:22:17: I'm getting I'm getting tired of myself being so yeah I'm now I'm building a house I mean I mean where's it going to end and I just want to I just want to you know.

00:22:27: Say that.

00:22:29: I can't do it I don't know how to do it I you know but I but that's not me so I have can you be to capable no no of course not finished or not you have the garden,

00:22:42: and I have

00:22:43: really really struggled not to interfere with that because I don't want to be a part of that because I was supposed to be your thing and

00:22:53: but it's difficult it's difficult to be capable and not having kids because then you have to reinvent yourself 55 times a year.

00:23:03: I think you have to do that if you have children as well I'm afraid.

00:23:08: Reinvent a lot I think I think there's no I think women don't really have a choice about whether or not they want to reinvent its build into us we reinvent every 4 weeks whether we still bleeding or not.

00:23:20: You know anyway I wanted to wrap this up by asking one more question and that is.

00:23:29: If you could tell your younger self.

00:23:33: A really good thing about how to conduct yourself with money or business what would it be.

00:23:42: Do you want to stop now you can start well I would probably say what your mother told you.

00:23:48: Make sure you make your own money and never ever put yourself in a position where you're dependent economically on somebody else.

00:23:58: That's what I would tell my younger me I would yeah I would have said don't waste so much money.

00:24:08: Going to bars and nightclubs and and party because it's it doesn't lead to anything but it's part of life that's okay but you guys could have saved.

00:24:21: I'm trying to think what I would say.

00:24:25: And I think I would try to find some way it's not so much something I would say is that I would try and find a way to encourage me to be as curious about it as I am now now I'm like constantly reading about.

00:24:38: N FTS or crypto or startups or whatever it is I'd never had any curiosity about that when I was like 15 25.

00:24:47: 35 started somewhere around my mid-40s now so I think yeah I would find a way to be more Curious outside of the whole relationship and boys and all that.

00:24:59: Stuff you know and just really cultivate a side of me that has nothing to do with romantic relationships that was my very long answer okay.

00:25:09: All right girls thank you again for being here thanks everybody for listening if you'd like to get in touch with us or maybe you're even thinking about being a guest on our show which were always happy to.

00:25:21: Hear your suggestions and you can write to us at bitch breathe,

00:25:25: at gmail.com and the i in bitch is a number 11 yay listen to you listening to me thanks girls till next time.

00:25:35: Music.