00:00:00: Music.

00:00:10: You welcome back to me and the gals me this is ricardia and I'm here in Sweden this time with the gals so very lucky world together even though we're in neighboring rooms and with me are Sophia and Carina if you guys want to

00:00:24: just say hi real quick there hi everyone this is Karina speaking hello this is Sophia.

00:00:32: So we're not quite in the Christmas mood yet but I have to say being in Sweden I'm slowly but steadily actually feeling a little Christmassy to everyone's surprise who knows me because I'm a bit of a

00:00:44: Grinch when it comes to Christmas so the girls and I were talking and I had said to them.

00:00:51: As what do you think home for the holidays do we have to do that and why are we asking this question so

00:00:57: you know there's the Tunes the Christmas to the sentimentality the speeding up towards the end of the year

00:01:04: and then of course there's also the excitement if you have children if you have grandchildren then Christmas takes on a whole new meaning and loveliness in many cases and a lot of times we do

00:01:16: look forward to our families but then there's those of us

00:01:20: for whom that is not necessarily the case where the holidays are fraught with tension maybe they're thick with expectation maybe you're a mother or a father who wants to make that

00:01:30: perfect Christmas maybe you're a family where there was recently a divorce or some other bone of contention and you don't know who's going to spend Christmas at which house and

00:01:40: maybe there's just some very old family Dynamics where you know it's difficult every single year.

00:01:48: And it hasn't changed so I had

00:01:50: put this question to the gals today whereas like do we really have to go home because it's Christmas I mean me I sometimes get pissed off if people just send me a Christmas message like Merry Christmas I'm like now,

00:02:04: so but not everybody is a Grinch like me so my first question to you gal since I always love hearing yours sometimes very diverging opinions on stuff

00:02:15: what do you think should we pull ourselves together,

00:02:19: for Christmas because you know Grandma's still alive or the old Auntie hasn't seen anybody also with the covid or whatever in the background what do you think is this a time where she we put all this aside and be like no we're doing this now

00:02:32: very good question good question shouldn't we first of all I don't think we should.

00:02:39: Do anything that we don't want to but wow.

00:02:45: Yeah that's easy yeah I mean from my perspective yes yeah

00:02:50: but and now probably both ricardia and you are we'll get angry but I had wonderful Christmases when I was when I was a child and I really looked forward to them yeah we had a wonderful family for you Christmas is,

00:03:05: very positive I guess yes yeah as opposed to me where I.

00:03:12: I was one of those kids who did not like Christmas for various reasons actually and it took me.

00:03:20: Well I'm not sure I'm even there now at the age of 62 do I do I really like Christmas I don't know.

00:03:31: It's a seems to be holidays with a lot of you have to do this and you have to eat this or that and you have to have the presents and you have to have the Christmas tree you know there's a lot of musts I must say but.

00:03:45: I think okay to your question we don't have to do anything actually but maybe Christmas is the time of the year.

00:03:53: Where you sort of have at least have to think about the family and think about do you want to do something for them or I think in our life today.

00:04:05: I kind of enjoy having a Christmas tree up again after not having it for many years but that could be because there's a grandchild and I involved and.

00:04:15: You know my kids are getting older and you're sort of meat on a different level so do you

00:04:22: from experience though where you one of those moms for example that are often also sort of we have movies that Hollywood movies about the Mom's going crazy over Christmas with the decoration of whatever well you one of those moms that did feel,

00:04:37: a lot of expectation or did you feel your mother maybe there was a lot of expectation and did you decide then no you have to do this because that is what is being called.

00:04:50: For at this particular season or time of the year okay can I just say something you can ask you can yeah but first of all Karina.

00:04:59: She never goes crazy.

00:05:01: So that's the end of that story I can't see you I mean I can't really see me go crazy over something,

00:05:11: hmm that sounds healthy.

00:05:14: Is it or boring I don't know to your question was I one of those I think I have a had a couple of years in my life where I have done things that I do.

00:05:27: But I maybe did not do because I want it to be like that

00:05:32: with the decorations and the food because I lived abroad so many years there was this expat life where you you were supposed to like recreate

00:05:41: the perfect Christmas is with.

00:05:44: Importing the Swedish food special things and you should have the Christmas tree and all that so I probably did that because there was an expectation from my family at the time and from other experts and

00:05:58: I don't know it just seemed more important at the time.

00:06:03: And I know a lot of experts out there in the world they do sort of cling on to traditions.

00:06:11: I mean I have never met so many swedes being extremely Swedish as the ones that I did meet outside Sweden.

00:06:19: Could be a point to that for some reason that definitely could yeah so in terms of.

00:06:25: Spending Christmas in a way that satisfies other people's expectations because we're a mom were a grandmother we want everything to be perfect,

00:06:34: who do we take care of first during Christmas because my feeling was always at Christmas

00:06:40: again I'm not a huge fan if I could live in a place where they don't celebrate Christmas I would totally go for it but I always felt like oh everything has to be so perfect I need to have Harmony,

00:06:52: I need to have not so much about the gift that was never worried about the gifts so much but I was worried about it not being a great time for my child,

00:07:02: which I'm not sure that I succeeded at that particular point I think he still thinks I sucked at Christmas so be quite honest I'm like the worst Christmas mom ever

00:07:15: but is there a way to like take care of ourselves and of all these expectations or we do we just walk away from the expectations like I'm guessing Sophia probably would

00:07:25: no yes Christmas for me was very happy.

00:07:30: I had a one wonderful Christmases when I was a child but again since,

00:07:38: I mean I don't have any children the expectations I didn't have to perform so to speak so I just you know during during the last year's I did it,

00:07:53: a lot for my father and I do it for my father and because he's the only one who still around yeah so.

00:08:03: So in a way tables are turning for you yes now you're doing it for someone who used to do it for you yeah,

00:08:10: and it was wonderful and I look back at it it and I just think that we had the most wonderful Christmas as hell but unfortunately a lot of them are not.

00:08:22: Here anymore so so now I find it a little bit sad to be honest because my mother is not here anymore.

00:08:32: So that's a completely different side of it I mean I'm actually always happy when I hear Sofia stories because Sofia had to,

00:08:39: what sounds to me like a really wonderful childhood but let's say Christmas like I didn't like Christmas as a child either I thought it was just,

00:08:46: the loneliest of times I didn't like all the false sentimentality around it and I was really.

00:08:52: Annoyed that I was supposed to be extra freaking happy

00:08:57: at this time is like I'm sorry what the hell I guy I mean I became an actor later maybe that was my training but I just don't use always so hard and so I often sat there with this question do I have to do this.

00:09:11: Do we have to go home for the holidays when all that meets us there is old trauma or conversations we've had over and over or maybe you're single and everyone's like Dude where's your partner like

00:09:24: why are you still here by yourself you know do we have to go home to make other people happy or to make it look.

00:09:33: Perfect hmm no like I said in the beginning you don't have to do anything if you don't like it I mean I get a feeling that.

00:09:43: Since I met you because you have children it has become complicated.

00:09:48: Because I never ever thought of it like a problem before but.

00:09:54: View I don't think you really like it to be honest I'm not sure but you always get little bit

00:10:02: I'm not dissing so sad you don't say it's you get to how do you spell yeah baby and you

00:10:09: I really would like to meet your kids and grandkids but in a way I can see that you.

00:10:15: Also could be without it yeah it's I think you feel I think you owe me programmed somehow two hands exactly it the programming no

00:10:24: I've been programmed to be happy at this time or two want this and have never wanted it.

00:10:32: I like seeing my kid of course and my mom but it's like

00:10:36: why am I pretending all this am I not getting too old for this this is like this is connected to the society and our culture and

00:10:45: this is very deep in our human roots in a way you're supposed to do things but can't you just be yourself I mean

00:10:54: what do you mean what's to come what do you mean no I heard you,

00:11:07: so complicated to be extra happy or extra this extra you know why I mean I am happy.

00:11:16: I'm super happy and why should I make myself extra happy I just you never have to make the Christmas ham.

00:11:24: Honey I know I know I know and you know maybe also

00:11:29: I wouldn't say oh I didn't get I didn't have any children because I don't want to make the ham at Christmas but it comes so many responsibilities I know that's kind of this is smothering you we have children this is another episode but

00:11:44: so I never I never felt those feelings no I didn't but I can totally see that.

00:11:53: Because having children is like you know you have to somehow not erase yourself but you have to not look so much to your own needs but to your kids needs and

00:12:03: when you've done that for 15 years in a row it's like it's everything on.

00:12:09: Automatic in a way with it yeah yeah it is he rides,

00:12:15: so when my kids grew up and left.

00:12:20: Left the house so to speak and I divorced my ex-husband and I were able to live by myself and have a single life and do whatever I wanted to do I didn't celebrate Christmas.

00:12:32: I had the kids over for a lunch or something.

00:12:35: But now I think you and I we are sort of building on you life would New Traditions and such.

00:12:44: I think actually.

00:12:46: Christmas is not so much on speed anymore we can just do Mexican if we like a nobody would actually care I just think yes second marriage maybe maybe but I think probably.

00:13:00: I think that.

00:13:02: What I like about Christmas now so I just called him talking about what I like about Christmas maybe I should shouldn't I be allowed every just turn off my mic yeah I know but I think now because we have a

00:13:16: have you built this wonderful house and I think that I now it's my turn to

00:13:23: you know have my father here during Christmas I've been in his house as long as I can remember.

00:13:31: Actually that's not true because we were you know taking turns between my father's sister and

00:13:37: and our house but now I feel like it's a little bit of a shift the generation shift so he's coming here and I think that's really nice he can just come and you know sit down and relax and,

00:13:50: enjoying no no but but it's not it's not the same absolutely it's not the same.

00:13:57: But your kids they have another thing they didn't they sometimes they don't want to celebrate Christmas in a very I know there were a couple of years when they were like

00:14:07: I don't know what they were doing I don't know I found it very just refused had been refused Christmas little bit childish,

00:14:14: divorced Christmas is Christmas yeah I think they're back now though.

00:14:19: I spoke with him the other day you know and she said she wanted to buy a Christmas gift and she talked about.

00:14:27: What are they getting older but in the beginning we couldn't even say Merry Christmas because I gotta shut up yeah this is one of you know party and I was like yeah but I also been that was you,

00:14:40: let me pick up on that the partying thing because that's actually a question I wanted to ask,

00:14:47: this year on Instagram I noticed it and also in some of the conversations in Germany which is where I'm normally.

00:14:53: Living in Berlin right people were talking about this feeling that.

00:14:59: Either have to drink a lot just to get through the holidays because that's how difficult they find to be with there.

00:15:06: Family or the family keeps encouraging them to drink like why aren't you drinking and you're obviously not pregnant.

00:15:12: Or their health condition is going on like why aren't you drinking have another shot of this or come on let's have a little.

00:15:19: Digestive after the meal or then in the mornings are ready with the mimosas are whatever and there's a lot a lot of drinking going on I'm sure it's not just in Germany but I also found it in the past.

00:15:32: Depending on which constellation of Partners or families I was in I thought it was very.

00:15:38: Challenging that it went with you know I have nothing against having something to drink but there seems to be this mandate that everybody drink all the time and I kind of started wondering.

00:15:48: Why do they need to do that like what's the situation and I felt like it was covering up a few things like do you ever get that that you feel like there's just a lot of this feeling of like.

00:16:00: It has a lot to do with drinking I guess is what I'm trying to say that Christmas would be.

00:16:05: Religion this like then well it's boxing day and now it's Christmas Day or Christmas Eve and there's just every day's a lot of drinking even more I mean German stand or is it

00:16:15: real in Sweden I don't think so it's not the way no nothing die way see it but

00:16:22: that could be a lot of drinking during Christmas you know with the Schnapps and yeah in families where they.

00:16:29: Always drink a lot yeah they probably drink more for Christmas success yeah you're right but we I mean we we wouldn't do that note we know.

00:16:38: We don't we take my by I actually like one snaps but to the Herring yeah.

00:16:45: But I know but that's the two of you now but you eat used to be in much bigger families yeah any wondering what was it like then like me when I used to be in families there was always.

00:16:59: Drinking was just so much part of it I mean they started pretty much hours before that turkey made its way onto the table whoa whoa no I can't say I can relate to that but I can relate to a lot of drinking in families,

00:17:12: I had various life's in my lifetime where there has been excessive drinking and,

00:17:20: well yes them maybe they drank more for Christmas if possible.

00:17:25: It's just sort of like the social lubricant because it's a reason to drink.

00:17:30: Yeah well whilst you don't you don't have that experience at all no but I mean people,

00:17:36: I had of course wine and so on and we are I mean just drinking.

00:17:43: Very normal drink normal drinking and nobody ever I mean.

00:17:48: Ever got drunk or anything and my parents have been very how do you say you're direct yes and that was the same with.

00:17:58: The other family we spend Christmas with so no we don't have any I don't have any experience of that.

00:18:05: Of the drinking well so different yeah I mean drinking in the bad way of course people drank and my uncle he is he was.

00:18:17: Yeah was very interested in wines and so on but it was very moderate.

00:18:23: I thought you were going to say there was this one uncle and he would just get Plex know every family has a one person who just can't keep their shit together yeah no no we didn't have that

00:18:34: I must say now when I think back of it we were a very well-balanced family yeah.

00:18:40: You are it's like I never know how to react to that yeah very I know so annoying very had come from totally different yeah upbringing where my dad would get really drunk for Christmas to be honest.

00:18:54: If there were one thing I would you know would like to get back it's it's the Christmases with my

00:19:02: oh yeah with a big family yeah it was lovely I could look forward to it the whole year mmm and meeting my cousins and and my aunt and uncle wish I you know adored.

00:19:16: Hi was lovely lovely.

00:19:19: I think everybody should have Christmas is like Sophia no I know that's what that's what you always see in the movies and then you look at your own family is like oh man

00:19:28: this doesn't look anything like in the movies yeah but but I also course I also had some Christmas is that wasn't very.

00:19:37: Nice I mean my mother's last Christmas that was very that was very obvious that it's going to be her last

00:19:47: Christmas so that was sad of course I was super now I mean and also is not a pissing contest of who has the worst Christmas has I mean it's good you have these nice Christmas has please don't let us make you feel guilty about it and

00:20:00: try to come up with some terapia please don't talk about it.

00:20:05: But let me ask you because we do have very Divergent experiences of Christmas do you ever find yourself.

00:20:15: Still looking forward to it though because now you have a very different life the two of you have created a New Traditions like you said and.

00:20:23: And new life and me I would be perfectly happy to spending the day as if it never happened by myself I wouldn't be unhappy at all.

00:20:29: I mean now I find like if I didn't feel other people wanting to do this I'd be perfectly fine not doing anything or you now you have your own Traditions I mean.

00:20:40: Is it a nice time now Karina I guess specifically yes definitely no I'm looking forward to it I am actually because I know it's going to be very relaxed and there are no,

00:20:55: expectations.

00:20:57: Besides my own expectations for what we're going to do and we get along so well and we just you know we decide what,

00:21:06: but weeds best for us we moment we kind of have to fight for my father to stay because he's like yep unfinished on I haven't had all the food and by yes like okay no

00:21:18: can you just stay and talk a little bit no but he's so I don't he's efficient is very efficient yes,

00:21:26: so what does your perfect holiday look like even if it doesn't feel like it's something that's attainable at this time what would it.

00:21:34: In a perfect world when all the kids get along all the grandkids get along lot of doubt it out what would it look like.

00:21:41: It would be a Christmas lunch on the 24th because you see in Sweden we celebrate more on the 24th rather than the 25th.

00:21:51: Yeah it's the same in Germany where everybody could come and everybody would be happily relaxed and.

00:22:01: But since there's a couple of lifetimes back there are many families to be considered and everybody wants to be everywhere at the same time I don't I really don't know when we're going to see who.

00:22:15: No it's Christmas so that is that is your your side yeah.

00:22:21: My perfect Christmas at my perfect Christmas I mean if we were to be realistic do we have to be realistic oh I told you you don't you don't have no in Cayman Islands if you might put my

00:22:35: Christmas would be the ones that I had when I was about.

00:22:39: 13 14 Luna is a when everybody was alive my grandparents and my aunt and my mother so what do you want for Christmas this year I just want time off yeah peace.

00:22:53: Sleep take it very slow and hang out here yeah just to hang out that sounds good yeah you don't want things,

00:23:02: you mean like materialistic things like more stuff you mean maybe there's something you want in your Christmas stocking that you know I love I love stuff also but yeah if I could if I could you know have

00:23:16: anything I want in my stocking that would be what would that be now will be the studio.

00:23:23: We're building yes mmm oh yes you're building absolutely right that's,

00:23:29: at the top of our wish list this year a photo studio well that seems very attainable we're all set reasonable people here behind us para boots.

00:23:39: Studio peace on Earth please all right well.

00:23:46: I'm going to speak to the listeners now I hope that whatever is on our listeners wishlist that.

00:23:53: I don't know if I want to say that they get it because I've often wished for really wrong stuff and gotten it and it was a very bad idea so maybe I wish for all of us to get those wishes granted that really.

00:24:05: Good for our soul if that's not.

00:24:08: Sort of grasping too high a goal and I wish everybody happy holidays if you celebrate at all.

00:24:17: And girls I don't know if you want to add anything to my wishes how about good you'll go Jewel.

00:24:24: Nice.

00:24:28: What does that mean happy New Years A young actor them with with a New Year's Eve,

00:24:36: or not New Year's Eve but New Year's special I'm sure alright everyone if you'd like to write to us the email is bitch breathe at gmail.com the i in bitch is a number one.

00:24:48: We look forward to hearing from you this was me and the gals my name is ricardia and I'm going to say bye Sofia by Curry.

00:24:55: Music.