00:00:00: Music.
00:00:10: Very welcome back to a new episode of bitch Brave and I am your host ricardia.
00:00:15: So we're getting a little bit excited over here because I'm soon approaching my year one anniversary of bitch Brave,
00:00:24: so much has changed in my life because of this podcast and it's been such an exciting Journey I've had.
00:00:30: Such incredible feedback from a lot of you guys writing to me letting me know that.
00:00:36: Certain episodes really helped you specifically to be honest they were about breakups and narcissists and actually topic that might not necessarily be considered fun.
00:00:46: But that you felt were supportive so thank you all ready for all the support and the time that you've given this podcast,
00:00:54: and indeed been listening to me,
00:00:57: I also wanted to mention that I wrote a book it's in it's very rough first draft it's called The Break-Up call and as the title suggests it's all about breakups before the break up,
00:01:09: during The Break-Up and the aftermath of separating from a person we love.
00:01:15: So we have another resource for all of us who feel like we might need a little bit more support with these kinds of
00:01:21: of questions and I'd love it if you could support the project it's on gumroad I'll put the link in the show notes but just for you to know there is a book coming we're going to be reading excerpts from the book there's going to be discussion groups and to just sort of.
00:01:35: Share in this time in these experiences,
00:01:39: that's can be very trying and quite traumatizing depending on how it goes in our lives so would be happy to see you there,
00:01:48: today however we're not going to talk about breakups but
00:01:51: we're going to talk about a topic that I first spoke about in my very first episode of bitch breathe
00:01:58: and that was anxiety and if you'd like to refer back to some of the tools I suggest for those of us who experience anxiety please go ahead and go to that very first episode.
00:02:10: Today I'm going to pick up on a little bit more because so many people have been going through anxious times in this time of a pandemic.
00:02:19: Families having to deal with a lot of things that we weren't face before and really living in unprecedented times for those of us who are younger than those who have been witnesses to Wars may be or who regionally were,
00:02:33: subjected to that kind of trauma so today we talked about fear and anxiety,
00:02:38: two parts one is going to be how we can change the onset.
00:02:43: Anxiety so when a panic attack comes when anxiety Rises up in our system how we can maybe change what will happen next and modify maybe some of the impact that it has on our system.
00:02:57: In the end of this episode I'm going to talk about my own method it's called attack.
00:03:02: That might be a little aggressive for you but you'll see in a moment why I called it that but first of all I want to come to a few sort of ideas that I have around anxiety,
00:03:13: to be honest it's not a total coincidence that I talk about it now as most episodes aren't
00:03:19: because I've recently been through another phase and I'm still not quite done with it honestly.
00:03:25: Where anxiety has been a very dominant force in my life once more and I've noticed a few things new things about it that I felt were.
00:03:35: Alternately frustrating interesting to observe and a lot of times a little bit scary
00:03:41: so that is why I wanted to return to the subject because I'm really hoping that maybe some of the thoughts I've had we've either shared you who's listening and I who's talking to you and that might be helpful as you go through,
00:03:56: what might be about of anxiety for you so first and foremost when I just recently went through another anxiety
00:04:04: episode and I noticed how my thoughts started to really spiral upward and you know how it takes on this extra fast speed and you feel like you just can't throttle the the pace of how things are developing then the first thing
00:04:17: I wanted to say once you are actually able to
00:04:21: get into that head spaces to avoid the stories around the fact that another anxiety attack or panic attack a happened and to not.
00:04:31: Sort of go into this why is this happening again I can't believe this is happening I thought I had this under control I had all these stories as to why I shouldn't be experiencing this level of fear right now.
00:04:44: The truth is and was though,
00:04:47: I was experiencing it the anxiety had returned this has been a very very trying one and a half years almost approaching two years now of pandemic and just regular life related fear,
00:05:01: so instead of going into this whole scenario of almost self-reproach were like why is this happening again is to just realize it is here.
00:05:10: It showed up again and yes that's devastating when we've been okay for a while me I was okay for a while for a couple of years actually and then it showed up again I thought what the hell do I have to do.
00:05:23: For this to not even happen anymore and we'll get to that a little bit later but for now to just focus on not telling ourselves stories around,
00:05:33: the anxiety and its occurrence itself to just sort of step back and say all right it's here again it's trying to tell me something if I can just settle myself down a little bit,
00:05:45: maybe maybe there's a chance for me to learn something here when a panic attack does occur though or when you are in a phase of acute anxiety.
00:05:55: For me I feel really isolated and this moment I don't just think I should probably end my life I don't really it's just sort of a thought that occurs
00:06:03: I feel like I can't handle my life anymore clearly I'm not the captain of this ship nothing is under control I don't know what to do and I am alone.
00:06:13: And this thought of I am alone I find the most devastating next to the adrenaline and the cortisol that's probably amped up in my system but this feeling of being isolated
00:06:24: is really quite debilitating as I'm going through the attack what I've come to learn and what I've shamelessly taken advantage of now.
00:06:33: Over and over again because I'm not willing to do this on my own anymore is that I stay with someone,
00:06:39: even overnight whether it's my boyfriend or a girlfriend or someone who's related to me whatever it is I stay with them until my system has reached equilibrium once more this can take time.
00:06:52: So pack an overnight bag pack a Weekender but go to that person who can accompany you through this time.
00:07:01: And don't For the Love of goddess think you have to do this alone spend time with the people who can help you get through this.
00:07:10: Once you are come once you have reached a certain balance again.
00:07:15: And that can take any amount of time people there is no time limit on how long you should be feeling Which Way But when you have reached that moment maybe write down some of the tools that helped you.
00:07:29: And refer back to that list in case there is a next time to be more specific every anxiety phase every panic attack.
00:07:38: Has certain common characteristics but then sometimes they also vary a little and depending on my tool set
00:07:46: I use different ones so meaning sometimes it helps me to sit down and meditate other times that is the last thing I can do,
00:07:54: I cannot for the life of me sit down because then my thoughts are really going to take off in a massively disruptive and scary way,
00:08:02: so write down the tools that worked for this last time that it happened,
00:08:06: and keep that list visibly somewhere so that you can refer back to it in case there is a next time knowing when to get the help from others is great like I said before but also knowing that we have resources that we can help ourselves is huge,
00:08:21: when we're dealing with anxiety and maybe indeed any Mental Health Challenge if you can consider it.
00:08:28: If this is something you feel brave enough to do right now and it does mean you're not brave when you don't do it I just mean we have braver moments and then we have moments when we need to retreat that's totally fine in any battle if you will there's a moment
00:08:43: Go full force and his one to retreat so if you are in a place
00:08:47: where you feel a little bit braver about your anxiety and the fact that this is something you struggle with maybe consider talking openly to people around you about the fact that you suffer from anxiety,
00:08:59: and I'm saying this for two reasons for one as you know mental health issues are still huge taboo area,
00:09:07: in many many parts of the world some are even worse than others for one if we talk about it we help
00:09:14: to abolish this taboo around anxiety just because I'm a person who lives with anxiety does make me crazy
00:09:21: doesn't make me less able to work and perform and Lead if those are the things required of me.
00:09:28: What it does indeed mean is that I have an extra little struggle in my life everyone probably does mine is anxiety
00:09:36: so if I talk about it in an open way then I allow others to also share in this fear essentially.
00:09:46: And not only by sharing do I break a taboo around mental health issues and anxiety specifically I'm also helping people.
00:09:55: To know what to do when a panic attack strikes.
00:09:59: So when I'm having anxiety when I'm having a panic attack it's great that I don't first have to call someone or a pack a bag and get somewhere because maybe I've let someone in my vicinity could even be work if you have that kind of trust relationship.
00:10:14: I've let them know that listen this is something I struggle with.
00:10:18: If you notice that it comes on or if I tell you listen I'm going through this right now this is what you can do if you would want to support me.
00:10:27: And sometimes we can say this out by ourselves sometimes we want to wait until someone maybe asks what can I do in that moment I remember I once lived with a person who suffered from,
00:10:37: epileptic seizures so I asked him well just in case it happens in my presence what can I do how can I help
00:10:46: and to just sort of know who those people at work in our family in our living situation our and reach out to them,
00:10:54: if we feel we're ready to do so.
00:10:57: One thing I noticed in one of my recent bouts of anxiety was I kept thinking to myself I have to handle this alone but the truth is if I have a belly ache.
00:11:08: Do I then think I have to diagnose what's going on in my belly alone no I get a doctor.
00:11:13: I go to somebody who has expertise in the field that I seek it but for some reason with anxiety with other mental health issues we think somehow we have to walk and talk our way through this,
00:11:26: by ourselves it doesn't even have to be a taboo situation for me it's just like,
00:11:31: I don't want to bother people right now or this is so silly why am I getting so upset over the situation or my reaction is in no way proportionate to what is going on and I would sort of.
00:11:43: Talk my way out of getting help.
00:11:46: And I want to encourage all of us to not do that again the idea of isolating when we most need community.
00:11:54: So when anxiety strikes when there is a panic attack
00:11:58: to know that you are not necessarily fully qualified to help you and that's totally fine you can't fix everything about your body you're not a psychotherapist you're not a doctor you're not a surgeon.
00:12:13: So to just see if maybe you can open up to some professional help whatever that means to you could be a psychotherapist could be a coach,
00:12:22: maybe it's a certain type of yoga practice maybe there's a yoga teacher you have a great rapport with whoever that professional person is I'm not saying that they can fix you all the way.
00:12:33: But if you have an instinctive feeling that the way they work with you could help you then by all means reach out to that person,
00:12:43: get in touch with someone who can help you not just through this but who might be able to set you up with a couple of more tools that could help you through a next attack should there even be one.
00:12:55: One thing is very difficult for me.
00:12:57: When I'm going through something and I'm usually labeling it drama because I feel so embarrassed or I feel so inept to deal with it.
00:13:06: Then what sometimes happens is I feel like I'm a burden and if.
00:13:10: Reach out yet again to my partner to my mother to siblings who ever it is about my anxiety I feel like oh I don't want to get on their nerves,
00:13:20: oh my God I'm such a pain in the ass everyone's going through so much shit right now with the pandemic why am I burdening them with my mental fantasies of apocalypse.
00:13:31: You are not a burden you are not I'm going to say that unequivocally and without qualifications of the statement.
00:13:40: Everybody at some point in their lives requires assistance through another,
00:13:45: and that's phase where we require that could be longer could be shorter and yes it can be challenging to those around us sometimes but the truth is.
00:13:55: Wouldn't we help them if they were going through that wouldn't we be willing and indeed able to help them with something they are going through know that you are not a burden,
00:14:05: and if someone says or signals that you are then that is not a good person to hang around with.
00:14:12: I know that it can be challenging to live with someone who has anxiety please don't get me wrong I know that that is difficult for people around us sometimes
00:14:20: all the same if we're willing to be that space that safe haven for them then I think we have every right to expect of them to be around for us.
00:14:30: And to just draw from my own experience that is how it has been whether it was my boyfriend or my mom.
00:14:36: Or a really good girlfriend they always always opened up their literal space meaning their Apartments to me.
00:14:44: And their heart space to hold me just as long as I needed to related to that thought is the thought of apologies.
00:14:52: I've often caught myself actually apologizing for my anxiety apologizing that I'm being such a pain in the ass and apologizing essentially for experiencing or feeling weakness.
00:15:05: And here again I want to make it very clear if you feel you have to apologize to someone.
00:15:11: Then of course first you look at is that you who just feel so bad or embarrassed or ashamed about her or his mental health issue or is this person just not.
00:15:21: Ready to accept the kind of situation you're going through whether it's one or the other I still maintain that we should not apologize.
00:15:30: Because again would we expect someone to apologize for having a bellyache.
00:15:35: Would we expect them to pull themselves together because they're in a lot of pain but we also need to get shit done no.
00:15:43: Give at least that much empathy to yourself when you're experiencing that cold naked fear of anxiety.
00:15:53: I'll admit not everybody will understand what we go through it is hard to understand anxiety when you've never experienced it it's hard to understand any
00:16:03: mental or physical condition if you've never gone through a try to explain to somebody what this is like,
00:16:08: be pregnant or giving birth out or whatever it is that's okay they don't have to fully understand what we're going through and we don't need to expect that of them
00:16:19: we just need to know that they are going to be supportive in action or inward,
00:16:24: and if they're not going to be those things if they don't know how to be supportive if they don't want to be supportive because you're getting on their nerves or they think that you're reacting to strongly then those are not your people
00:16:38: I know that sounds scary if I'm saying that someone who might be very close to us is not our person because they can't handle our anxiety.
00:16:46: But I'm going to ask you a question if someone very close to you,
00:16:49: is absolutely incapable of handling your anxiety Then maybe ask yourself if your anxiety
00:16:57: is somewhat or in Parts related to this person or the kind of Dynamics you have between each other and see what that answer yields.
00:17:06: I promised you I would share with you my method that I use.
00:17:12: I digress from this method again referring back to my point that I made earlier that I don't always use the same tool set to get me through a panic attack but this is a sequence of events.
00:17:25: Four steps that I take.
00:17:26: Most times not necessarily always in that order but pretty much so and I want to share it with you the method is mentioned is called attack which is an acronym.
00:17:38: Now go through it with you and these 6 steps first step is a for acknowledge that this is here so whatever we think about our anxiety however we hate that it comes here.
00:17:51: The moment we acknowledge or accept that it's here,
00:17:55: we soften around it and we've already transformed it a little bit and made it something that isn't quite as big and resistant and enemy as in the case of battling it full on and just refusing to accept that it's here.
00:18:09: So first step acknowledge second step.
00:18:13: Track your breath T4 track your breath it means that certain breath techniques can help us through an anxiety attack
00:18:20: those can vary they vary widely from me sometimes it's what's called box breath where you inhale for four
00:18:28: you exhale for four and then in between those you can hold the breath I don't recommend holding the breath if you're going through an acute attack but see what works for you,
00:18:37: other times voiced breath works so that I sort of strongly inhaling in and then you're doing a sound out.
00:18:46: That's not it necessarily voice but sort of a sound a very loud sounding breath just to sort of clear the energy switch things around.
00:18:54: So that was the Second Step track your breath third step.
00:18:58: Think of something entirely different t as in think for me it often know it never works.
00:19:06: When I try to push the anxiety away or push the thoughts that have triggered the anxiety away but what really works for me is substitution and I mentioned this in actually my very first episode as well.
00:19:18: So think of something entirely different some people say go to your happy place but that didn't necessarily work for me I so often try to imagine a beach or something didn't work but I gave myself sort of an exercise.
00:19:31: This is going to sound really stupid and you can choose something else but it would be like a math calculation what is 3 times 5 72 divided by 5,
00:19:40: or what was the name of that church that I went to when I visited Rome last year or,
00:19:47: you know whatever it is for you there's like a million examples they're very sort of.
00:19:51: Silly little exercises it could also be that you are very visually inclined and then by all means Envision the happy place good for you I'm so jealous but finding
00:20:02: absurd or
00:20:03: interesting picturesque places and thoughts that you can go to in your mind so you don't have to be with your anxiety in terms of thoughts.
00:20:14: And then that will disrupt the whole upward spiral where a little thought can turn into a full-on avalanche.
00:20:21: So that was step number three think of something different step number four act out a as an act,
00:20:30: and I mean by that is to seek action within your body this could again be just loud strong breathing it could be voicing the sound of Zeus's it could be going for a run but just anything that will get the adrenaline to travel
00:20:44: through the body and eventually leave it because as you probably know when we experience this hyper nervous energy our adrenaline level shoots way up.
00:20:53: And we do well to sort of move it around in the body if you're not the kind that wants to sit down and meditate as the full-on attack occurs maybe go for a run go for a walk put yourself among people in a cafe whatever it takes but do,
00:21:07: literally do something.
00:21:11: That was step number 4 act step number 5 C4 call that one person who can get you through this.
00:21:20: So if that person isn't even right next to you call that person.
00:21:25: Get in touch with them and stay on the phone with them or unzoom as long as you need to.
00:21:31: Until you can find balance again and don't hesitate to call get that support network going get everyone on the phone and you will know you're not alone.
00:21:43: So that was step number five call last step number 6 K as in keep going I mean by that is that when these thoughts come.
00:21:53: When we have anxiety a lot of us I don't often have it but a lot of us think.
00:21:58: Oh my god I think I'm dying I'm going to be dying here now like something bad is going to happen something apocalyptically Dreadful is going to happen now.
00:22:08: Very likely that is not the case this is not the end and you are not dying.
00:22:14: Very likely all is as it was just two minutes ago just before that anxiety attack happened.
00:22:22: And you thought would have entered yes a new fact a phone call and message something will have come through that triggered the anxiety sometimes it doesn't have to be anything external just in that moment we get an anxiety attack and we're not even sure why,
00:22:37: but know that everything is very likely as it was before you just had a different thought.
00:22:44: A different mechanism was put into place in your body but you're safe and you're fine and if you don't feel it that way in that moment just keep going because eventually you know this if you've had them before.
00:22:57: You will be.
00:22:59: So that was my method attack six steps I really hope this was helpful to you if you struggle with anxiety of course
00:23:07: I'm no medical representative I can't tell you what to do or what will work for you or if,
00:23:14: anxiety is very much related to something dire only you know that and only you can grab those competent people around you to help.
00:23:22: These are just some of the things that I've experienced and that I personally have had some success with in terms of modifying the sequence of events or the thoughts that came in.
00:23:33: And coping with lifelong anxiety I hope you're well I hope you're not anxious as I say these words and I'm sending.
00:23:42: Music.
