00:00:00: Music.
00:00:09: On welcome back this is a new episode of bitch breathe and I am your host ricardia.
00:00:16: So here we are here in Berlin Germany and in many many places London New York and it's a time of reopening right the sun is out in this time in this.
00:00:28: Part of the of the world we're out and about there's no testing going on for museums and now even in restaurants in Berlin coming soon anyway.
00:00:37: And life seems to sort of be returning to a degree of normal.
00:00:42: I think we could just have a whole episode on what normal will even mean post-pandemic but I think it's too early to have that kind of hindsight just yet so.
00:00:53: The thing is we're thinking we are ecstatic we can't believe it's happening maybe we've recovered from the
00:00:59: disease or maybe we've been vaccinated if that is something that we decided to do but in any case it's this feeling of I'm coming out right.
00:01:09: At least that's what we're thinking mostly right I think there's usually a whole are of enthusiasm and.
00:01:16: Maybe even that whole idea of a second lease on life kind of feel but today I want to talk about.
00:01:24: What I'm calling and maybe it's already been phrased or coined this phrase post lockdown anxiety.
00:01:31: So there is this idea of a cave syndrome white that one has sort of been inside and contained in a smaller area for a long time so that when you come out it's actually quite anxiety-ridden to do so there's a lot of impulse there's a lot of
00:01:46: stimuli going on and it's not necessarily easy to come out from this confinement,
00:01:52: and today I want to talk about not so much the cave symptom although I'm sure that we're experiencing that to some degree but I want to talk about what it feels like to.
00:02:04: Slowly set our eyes on the putting this in quotes because we don't know where we're going still the end of a pandemic or at least to come to a point where we feel we've got some degree of control.
00:02:17: Over it and I've been talking to a few people about this and then coincidentally I had already begun thinking about the topic,
00:02:26: and I then received my newsletter from The New Yorker and they have a whole article on it which I haven't fully read yet but they called it reopening anxiety,
00:02:36: and here was a little bit about sort of social Gatherings and how we can be nervous around that so in general I want to go into that topic to a little bit but we're going to talk about all the effects,
00:02:47: or the anxieties we might have after lockdown on how to maybe tackle those one by one.
00:02:54: So one of the many things I have been looking into in terms of how do I handle how do I view.
00:03:02: The pandemic now one and a half years later and with it being summer and my being able to go out and one of the things I thought of was.
00:03:11: Hey so what do I have to show for one and a half years of a pandemic I mean did I learn the new language how many workshops were there.
00:03:20: Were they in any form even sustainable or did any of that knowledge last like how have I progressed and propelled myself forward how have I utilized.
00:03:30: This sort of I want to call it in a way incubation period and immediately I started feeling this pressure.
00:03:37: This pressure to have something to show for it that I didn't waste my time that I was positive about yes there's a pandemic yes there's all this bad news and no I didn't let it get me down.
00:03:50: And the truth is I don't know about you but I did let it get me down
00:03:55: for whole bouts of time in that period And I have another episode if you want to go back it's called pandemic magic where I do talk about how
00:04:04: I was able to also very positively solve this time but that is not the truth for the entire one and a half years that is a partial truth a partial accomplishment if we want to call it that.
00:04:18: So if you also have this feeling of wow it was one and a half years who am I now how far have I come.
00:04:26: Then I want to I guess invite all of us to just know that we've never been through anything like this in living memory.
00:04:33: And the only thing that people sometimes very carefully compared to was a war situation which I think is.
00:04:41: Really mediocre comparison at best but what do I know because exactly I haven't been through a war thank God and I've only got this sort of.
00:04:50: Exceptional situation to look at and the truth is it was very complex it still is we still don't know what it means for our Mental Health
00:04:58: for the economy for our personal lives and relationships going forward maybe so to just sort of cut ourselves some slack and be like you know what there is no
00:05:07: right way of handling the pandemic There Is No results-driven Agenda how best you solve this whole thing the only thing we can look at is this is now things are reopening,
00:05:22: the pandemic is a little bit better under control for now.
00:05:26: Let's just try to at least Embrace some of what that means without the taking stock of what has happened.
00:05:35: Because truth be told like I was saying earlier it's too early for hindsight
00:05:39: and it's certainly never a good time to evaluate ourselves so strictly about having accomplish a certain thing in a certain amount of time and that time being an extremely exceptional unprecedented
00:05:53: crisis in our lifetimes and the next thing I was thinking about was of course work
00:05:59: a lot of us might be returning to actual work spaces and thereby returning to our colleagues projects bosses.
00:06:08: Challenges that we faced before the pandemic maybe some of that got a little ameliorated by the fact that we didn't have to run into these people every day we have only been seeing them on Zoom maybe for a year now or for whole periods,
00:06:23: of time during this episode.
00:06:26: But now we're returning we're going back and maybe there's that co-worker who really really rubs us the wrong way maybe you're even in a situation that I have actually.
00:06:36: Was in rather recently where.
00:06:39: It was absolutely contentious the relationship and you don't know how to really resolve it but there you are both of you are several of you who just don't get along.
00:06:49: What do we do when we know we have to go back to that when Zoom actually provided a very welcome.
00:06:56: Literal distance from these challenging people around us and I thought about that long and hard.
00:07:04: Maybe we need to take a step back when we look at this and maybe here's where the pandemic is really helpful because I know for me it's certainly thrown into greater relief how I want to spend my time and whom I want to spend it with.
00:07:16: So if you feel that their relationships the work relationships the projects the workload at work.
00:07:22: Well already so hard before the pandemic and actually the zoom the distance was the only reason why you might have even held onto that job all this time maybe it's time to look again.
00:07:34: If the conflicts that were cannot be resolved or you don't see the way forward and you've gotten a lot of guidance I know I got so so much in my particular situation but eventually I had to let it go because I just knew it wasn't going to work in my favor.
00:07:49: It hadn't in the previous time and I had tried everything in my view at least,
00:07:54: so maybe look for something new there's so many new jobs opening up and I don't just mean those people who test us at the test centers but there's so much rethinking going around and work and again referring back to my episode pandemic Magic.
00:08:08: You'll really hopefully find some hints about how,
00:08:12: we have indeed reshuffled the deck in terms of work we don't have to be at the same place every day and there's so many more people now thinking outside the box
00:08:21: where what you've studied is not necessarily what you have to do now and so what you did before the pandemic isn't necessarily
00:08:29: what you have to do or the kind of work you have to do now.
00:08:33: So maybe daring because this is an unusual time to look for a new place and maybe if we're lucky.
00:08:42: That horrible challenging person at work just faded away or had the same idea and Fades away before you yeah you get to keep your job if you loved it
00:08:51: another thing connected to work that I thought about was maybe you traveled a lot for work before and even though I don't think we'll be doing the excessive work travel that we did before the pandemic because we've realized there's really absolutely no reason for a domestic flight there and back
00:09:06: if there is umm.
00:09:08: You might still be required to travel a lot and actually maybe you enjoyed being with your family or your spouse or whoever much more during the pandemic.
00:09:18: Piggybacking on what I said before is it really necessary to return to that volume of travel is there a way to reshape,
00:09:26: the kind of work that you do so that it doesn't all have to require this travel thing maybe the company you work for has a more local branch a branch that isn't quite as far for you so you don't have to like
00:09:38: fly out to Bangkok every time so just again re-evaluating questioning
00:09:44: if what we had to do before because apparently it was super necessary really still holds true post-pandemic.
00:09:52: And then in conversations with friends I've noticed that there's a lot of anxiety around this whole reopening Andre socializing ourselves is just too early what if the contagion and we know it's still out there.
00:10:07: What if it's just still too critical what if I don't want to go out because I'm afraid I'm going to get I'm going to contract the disease.
00:10:15: And what if I've even developed a slight paranoia and or a hypochondriac ago behaviors around the disease itself.
00:10:24: This could be a super anxious time now because now everybody's like come on your vaccinated or you're recovered or you know,
00:10:31: there's ways to do this outside but you're still super uncomfortable and at the same time there's all this Collective energy that's moving outward that's externalizing once more.
00:10:43: So what do you do I think one of the many ways we can look at this is by examining.
00:10:51: How deep are fear is and is there a way to maybe find a little less fearful,
00:10:58: and a little more rational approach now how do we know where that is right because with ourselves we sometimes don't know is this irrational fear I'm having or I might now officially crossing over into obsessive compulsive or or paranoid and.
00:11:12: Here's why your friends come in just try to see,
00:11:15: what they say do they think they have you being super super nervous if they're of course more on The Adventurous side maybe ask the slightly more conservative ones are get a view from either side so you can find yourself somewhere in between on that Spectrum but to really
00:11:30: look at your fears are they Justified
00:11:33: and I know that's a hard question what does that even mean fear doesn't need justification it'll just show up and scare the shit out of us rights but to sort of get a gauge from your environment if you have a therapist maybe see if you can talk to them about this
00:11:48: but really finding a degree of I'm going to call it fearlessness that works for you in this reopening in this post lockdown era
00:11:57: so that you do find yourself able to participate in social life to slowly ease back into being.
00:12:06: With your fellow humans then there's of course this question of should I get vaccinated now that everything is open.
00:12:14: And you want to participate in life but you just feel very ambiguous about vaccinations I'm not even going to get into that topic because I feel like that's just one of those many many pandemic.
00:12:26: Conundrums that we currently face where it's like there's all this protest against vaccinations at the same time we want to be responsible for our fellow humans what do we do so I'm not going to get into that.
00:12:37: But the pressure to get a vaccination now that everything is reopening and we want to participate
00:12:43: is on if we haven't recovered or if we're not in you know tribe a huge tribe of people who also don't believe in it then maybe we feel supported by them but technically it's a bit more pressure now to
00:12:57: at least consider the question and so here's where I actually can't really
00:13:02: say anything about it other than that it's a day-to-day thing right we have to look at all the parameters to really understand,
00:13:11: now this is a very difficult question and to take our time to see if we want to do this or not.
00:13:17: And to not at least have this reopening energy that is now here,
00:13:23: put us under this enormous pressure that we feel like oh my God I have to make a decision now or I have to isolate in case I decide I can't do it.
00:13:31: And just slowly slowly getting advice getting professional insights and then at least having this idea that you can make an informed decision versus feeling like oh my God I have to make a decision now one way or the other.
00:13:46: Please be sure that I'm not advising either Behavior because I think that choice is so super personal that nobody can really.
00:13:54: Unless they're professionals which I am not I'm just this podcast or over here sharing my world with you so just to sort of understand that.
00:14:03: It is a tough choice to make and to find some calmness around it by getting information and by knowing what's true for us.
00:14:13: Another thing I noticed this one is more
00:14:16: more personal I was speaking to my wonderful Italian Friend the other day and we were talking about the fact that both of our relationships her new romantic partner and my new romantic partner they both began
00:14:29: when the pandemic or the lockdown had already been in full force.
00:14:34: So we are technically I think they call them Corona relationships I don't know but that really is.
00:14:41: A defining moment in some ways right you got together with this person during the pandemic you might have even been locked up together for some time depending on whether you want quarantine together maybe you both did your home officing or
00:14:53: remote work together you spend a lot of time with each other I've been hearing that some people say one year in Corona is like seven years in a normal relationship for some fun calculation of the kind so,
00:15:05: what if your relationship bound its origins in this time and now everything's reopening
00:15:12: and the thought my friend was having and I have to admit I had it too was huh.
00:15:18: That means a whole lot of choices are beginning to happen a lot more stimulus is going to be there there will be more travel.
00:15:26: Will this person this partner that I've chosen or and or will I continue to choose to be with this person,
00:15:35: because now our lives are about to get changed around a whole lot more and we're not just to together like we were for most of the relationships so far like my relationships are very new one as you will have.
00:15:47: Deducted it's only a year and I'm very happy in it.
00:15:52: And at the same time I know this game is getting shifted around now and My Italian Friend was also feeling a little bit anxious about it because she thought.
00:16:00: Now we have all these abilities we can travel we can meet each other's friends and family and stuff and.
00:16:06: You know shouldn't that be happening now and there's all this anxiety around how the relationship was defined thus far.
00:16:14: And how it will develop going forward and here I won't be able to deliver something that's like you know revolutionarily new.
00:16:23: But to really step into the trust now this has not been a time that has been easy to trust whether it's the news
00:16:32: the news feeds the sources of information ourselves our work situation it's been a time of incredible anxiety and questioning
00:16:43: quite frankly so if there's anything I have learned is that
00:16:47: so so little of what I thought could be controlled actually is controllable and if there's any area of life that I can truly say.
00:16:57: It's even more than that would have to be romantic relationships so to just trust that if the reopening of
00:17:06: our social lives means that there's competition or you know from other people or more stimulus and even we want to.
00:17:14: Get out of the relationship because it turns out you know what this really actually doesn't work outside the context of Corona for whatever reason you might have been very comforting to each other during this time
00:17:23: maybe this person had a lot to offer in terms of Education or curiosity and now you're realizing actually there's a whole bunch of other people who bring that to the table right or you bring that to the table in a way that they don't
00:17:35: whatever it is to know that hey lucky us we had a companion during this time
00:17:41: we had somebody who kept us company whom we really really enjoyed being with isn't that fantastic.
00:17:48: And can that may be be enough just in case the reopening the whole travel work travel leisure travel and stuff actually happens and it does mean the end of the relationship is there a way.
00:18:01: That we can let go of the idea that this was supposed to be longer this was more romantic during covid this was more intimate during covid this was more real.
00:18:13: During that time and I know that's not easy and trust me it's not like I didn't have this idea of oh wow we still going to like each other after who knows,
00:18:22: who knows but as a very good friend of mine once said does it really have to be about mr. right or mrs. right now can it not be that it's always just misses or mr. right now,
00:18:34: and mr. right now or mrs. right now is right now after the pandemic and then we'll see so really,
00:18:41: embracing the idea that we were very lucky to have this person on our side and that may be a new person or our own company will absolutely not just suffice
00:18:52: but be a wonderful new experience post-pandemic and then there's two more things I want to talk about what if you have a whole lot less money now.
00:19:02: After the pandemic but there's a whole lot more occasions to spend it it didn't matter so much maybe it did a lot of cooking at home you discovered the Homemaker and you who loves to make smoothies and post them on Instagram and
00:19:14: all that stuff and now however the theaters are open again the bars are open again but your job situation might not be the same that it was.
00:19:24: Breathe pandemic so what do we do about that and again I'll refer back to my work-related points that I made here today
00:19:32: this is a time of incredible opportunity I alone in Berlin now I've been seeing so many people work in spaces and in a context that they didn't imagine
00:19:42: would have been possible before the pandemic.
00:19:45: So before you think oh my God I'm not going to make any money I'm going to stay unemployed forever or whatever it is think again because I don't think that's the entire truth yes their entire branches.
00:19:58: How do you say Arenas of work that have completely collapsed
00:20:01: during this time if you were an actor during this time this must have been incredibly hard or a concert musician whatever it is that's going to be hard because that's a very specific calling and I understand that right,
00:20:13: can't pretend to understand the scope of it the whole scope but it is a challenge.
00:20:19: But I've seen so many inventive ways of how people have used their talent not just during the pandemic but how they plan to do it going forward they've put together new collaborations there's been so much cross-fertilization between different disciplines that I think if we
00:20:35: just allow ourselves to be permeable for new ideas of using our talent using our skills or education that there's a way to put
00:20:43: those two work that we might not have thought of yet and there's a lot going on in this city certainly
00:20:50: and in the world so just to sort of stay open to what is possible how you could be making money as opposed to no money and it's all scarcity.
00:21:01: And the last point I want to make.
00:21:03: Is I can't stand this word but I'm going to use it because everybody knows right away what it is the whole idea of fomo the fear of missing out.
00:21:11: Now this one I used to think must be like a juvenile problem like my son he's in his 20s of course he would have fomo he's just recently gone through a period of quarantine even because he actually.
00:21:24: Had tested positive for the virus and it was horrible the sun was out the people were out and here's this kid what could arguably be considered.
00:21:35: The best time of his life although I really will contest that notion and he stuck inside and I think the whole idea of fomo is not just for young people even I experienced it too.
00:21:48: There's all these opportunities now I don't know where to go first should I travel should I look for new projects.
00:21:54: What are people doing have I again used my time enough during the pandemic to be prepared for all that's going on and there's all this energy of like oh my God I'm going to miss out,
00:22:04: now there is a lot going on and it's wonderful that we have these options in these parts of the world I know
00:22:11: damn well that's not true for many many other parts but here and now there are options but what the pandemic has taught me is prioritizing who do I want to be.
00:22:23: How do I want to spend my time and whom do I want to spend it with and I think if we put that little filter over what we used to do before the pandemic over what we could do during and what we are about to be able to do.
00:22:38: Post-pandemic we might come to discover that our priorities have shifted.
00:22:43: It doesn't mean we're all deep thinkers now and learn so much more all these D people I don't even mean that although I do feel it has happened to a certain degree but I mean priorities
00:22:54: what do I really really want to do what was I starving for,
00:22:59: during the pandemic and so to not get distracted by all the things that are going on there but to use that time now.
00:23:07: To re-examine what was I really missing during the pandemic.
00:23:11: And whom and whom and what can I get to today what do I maybe want to do next week.
00:23:17: Am I facing little anxiety of another lockdown happening in case another wave comes trying to take that out and just take it one day at a time.
00:23:26: It's been one hell of a ride is one and a half years and we still don't even know how that ride looks going forward but we are able to look at today.
00:23:36: And I know this is a hard ask it's a hard task for me I get so impatient sometimes incredibly during the pandemic but to keep coming back to what do you really want to do.
00:23:46: And for me it was the podcast.
00:23:48: I mean this podcast still doesn't make me any money I hope by the time you know I've done all that I want to do for it it will but it's really important to me and so I kept going all these weeks and months.
00:24:03: That it's not exactly like a successful and super visible podcast but it's important to me.
00:24:09: And so maybe you also have your own equivalent or an actual podcast even that you want to do and to keep doing that,
00:24:18: trying not to get distracted even as things open up or maybe just get a little distracted because it is fun that is it from me I hope you who is listening is in a part of the world.
00:24:30: That is able to really get back out there again and to see the people you love and that you've missed.
00:24:36: And if you're not in that area then from my heart to yours I hope you get there very very soon wishing you all the best and sending.
00:24:44: Music.
