00:00:00: Music.

00:00:14: Is bitch breathe and I am your host ricardia Bramley.

00:00:17: So maybe hopefully thinking you've noticed my absence lately about the title of this particular episode gives you a pretty strong clue.

00:00:28: As to why that was the case and it's pandemic workaholic which is,

00:00:34: exactly the area I've been hanging out in lately and

00:00:38: so I thought why not talk about what's going on right now and more importantly trying to ask some questions finding some ways to dissolve The Dilemma in this case the one of the workaholic so.

00:00:53: At this stage of this incredibly dystopian era that we find ourselves in only

00:00:59: it's not really a dystopia it's actually here we're all exhausted right I feel like everybody's just trying to hang in there waiting for good news is the vaccine working

00:01:11: what kind of mutants are going on and a not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sorry I don't know where that came from see

00:01:20: exhaustion you can either start crying or you can crack yourself up but in any case things are still confusing and most of all they've been lasting for what feels now a very long time and what is actually almost one and a half years so

00:01:34: we're experiencing fatigue

00:01:36: certainly from my from my perspective it's been a really confusing time and one of contradicting messages and

00:01:45: opinions really so in this time when our lives have.

00:01:50: Become much smaller when our radius of activity is so limited I feel like there are well basically three things that we can do we can buy food and items for daily use.

00:02:02: We can maybe have sex that is if there's somebody around willing to engage otherwise enjoy even more difficult and then there's work

00:02:12: there's a lot of opportunities for work I feel there's been so many positive developments in terms of people starting to think outside the box I talked about this in another episode and really being open to new.

00:02:25: Solutions new callings new kinds of tribes that we want to gather around us and new

00:02:33: Windows of opportunity yeah it really is about opportunity this time

00:02:39: there is a lot of unemployment in Germany there's a solution called short work or quits abite for those who understand German so that has been another work

00:02:48: model where people are working less but the government is supporting it so there's all these different kinds of solutions and aspirations that are going on around work

00:02:58: that is the good news I find and something that I have benefited from tremendously as this year year and a half has gone forward and

00:03:08: I also changed my job that is one of the opportunities I moved from

00:03:12: a very sort of spiritually minded and and connected Community to a very different field where we're all in remote work.

00:03:19: Very different personalities different from each other and different from what I'm used to I might want to add and so it's been a really really good.

00:03:28: Time for a transitioning for trying out new things

00:03:31: but with that has come a kind of exhaustion that was new even in this time of the pandemic where I

00:03:39: I hadn't quite finished my other job so I was working there still the full hours that I have there

00:03:45: but I had also been on-boarded for the new work and the new job where I felt I wanted to prove myself I wanted to.

00:03:52: Really dive in get my feet wet and really start over I'm right and reinvent myself to certain degree so for a month there I was double triple shifting it because I'm also a voice artist and so I was doing these three jobs.

00:04:06: And I thought to myself holy shit what's going on I really want to be happy about all these opportunities and I want to think about

00:04:13: the fact that this could be exactly the other way around where my situation would be one of underemployment but I'm exhausted

00:04:19: I can't sleep anymore I've stopped eating or taking regular meals I'm losing weight I feel exhausted I've probably said that word five times but you get my point and so what can we do

00:04:31: at this time when yes some of us are underemployed but there's a lot of us who are over employed and who are working a lot.

00:04:40: So at some point I realized.

00:04:43: I can't keep doing this I can't I know this is an unprecedented time and I'm supposed to use all these opportunities and I consider myself an ambitious and hard worker but that surely can't be all.

00:04:56: And in a time when there is you know you're really hard up for entertainment it does quickly feel that way however so I began to.

00:05:05: Become so tired that I would start crying out of nowhere not that there's not plenty of reasons to do so but it was a sure indicator that things aren't going smoothly so I had to lean back.

00:05:17: And I had a few talks with some really really good people some friends and.

00:05:23: It was I think a conversation with my boyfriend where I suddenly began to wake up and.

00:05:31: I can't remember what it is exactly he said but he said something where I realized I had sort of jumped into a very different lifestyle with this exhaustion

00:05:41: and that I was going to have to start asking myself some serious questions about what I want my life to look like

00:05:48: and I think this is really important right because there's not an awful lot of options that doesn't mean however we stop asking ourselves.

00:05:55: What our lives should look like what did we come here for what is the dedication we want to put forth with family with friends with work.

00:06:05: And so from that conversation I did start to lean back.

00:06:10: Not lean back and relax but just lean back enough to sort of have some perspective some distance and I thought.

00:06:17: A few questions that maybe I hope will be helpful for you also going forward if you are indeed also in the situation where you feel like you're working an awful lot.

00:06:27: And.

00:06:28: For me because I'm not raising children which I think is a meaningful work and I'm on all I'm also not a pilot I'm not a doctor my work is not really meaningful in those terms I asked myself.

00:06:42: Okay so what are you working for really what is it you're working for.

00:06:48: And I didn't come up with enough a lot of good answers at that moment again because I'm not fulfilling any of those roles or callings that I previously mentioned my work consists now of looking at.

00:07:01: The digital side of life and things and so pulling up analytics I have to look at.

00:07:07: You know the digital world a lot more than I used to because that's the kind of work I do now and I enjoy a lot of aspects of it and at the same time I had to ask myself what am I working for and it didn't feel like a whole lot of meaning

00:07:20: and whatever consequences need to be drawn from that,

00:07:23: that's a different question but it felt good to honestly say to myself is this all the meaning I can bring.

00:07:32: To the table in this life in this life phase right now and the second question I asked myself who are you working for.

00:07:41: Is this the kind of work environment you really should be in right now and is this the kind of group of people the tribe the employer that you can identify with do they mean something.

00:07:55: To you and again this is another question whose answers will come at a serious consequence for some of us right because

00:08:04: we're scared what if I give this job up and I don't find another job I mean a lot of people are unemployed I should be grateful for where I'm at and why am I being so you know ungrateful it felt like but that

00:08:14: really really does such a disservice to us because it's not lack of gratitude Its Reflection.

00:08:22: What are you working for who are you working for and is that really what you want this chapter during this pandemic of your life to stand for.

00:08:33: And then maybe making some tough decisions.

00:08:36: Around that looking at okay so if you did give up this job do you have help financially speaking do you have a network of people who understand

00:08:45: why you might want to leave or change or why you want to dig in further if that's what you want to do and really,

00:08:51: remembering our support network that we do have a safety net in this part of the world I'm in Berlin and Germany I totally totally understand

00:09:00: mostly understand the privilege that that means right that I can even think about these questions told her privileged privileged and I'm aware of it

00:09:08: but that also means the responsibility of asking these questions and seeing where can we contribute in ways that are more meaningful to us and maybe even more helpful to those around us.

00:09:20: Those around us who are closed and those around us halfway across the globe.

00:09:24: And that leads of course in the next question is this really what you want to be doing when the pandemic is over so I firmly

00:09:33: I believe that we must be looking towards the light of the at the end of the tunnel at this point there's vaccinations coming maybe I have to believe this just to get up in the morning I don't know but.

00:09:45: The light will come it always does at the end of the day right at least in my experience and I hope to God in yours too and so.

00:09:54: If we look beyond the pandemic The Horizon the very limited border that the pandemic means what is it we can do.

00:10:04: What is it that we're not yet doing that maybe would really be helpful when we start.

00:10:10: To move around again we start to travel we meet our friends again you know shit's gonna go down once that pandemic is somewhat under control right.

00:10:20: Things are going to happen beautiful things hopefully are going to happen we might have learned quite a bit about what we mean to each other and to ourselves.

00:10:29: So what is it in terms of work in terms of action that we can do while the pandemic is still here.

00:10:37: To move Beyond it apart from the fact that that opens up opportunities to dream about that day or those weeks that.

00:10:46: Heading here they are I really do believe it it also allows us to move into place certain strategies people.

00:10:55: Actions that will take us Beyond this moment of suffering of collective fear and confusion and I thought that was really helpful to see.

00:11:04: Well what is it I want to do after and who is at I want to be and what do I want to represent and another thing that really hit hard for me.

00:11:14: When I started thinking about how I'd gotten myself into this workaholic mode where I was just working all the time like literally 12 14 hours cranking out emails that like

00:11:24: two o'clock in the morning because I couldn't sleep anyway so I would work from like 2:00 to 5:00 in the morning right and one of those other questions that came up was okay.

00:11:33: What are you not dealing with right now is this some sort of escapism to your workaholic or workaholism.

00:11:41: Right and the truth is there is of course I don't want to deal with the pandemic I don't want to fucking deal for a moment longer just like all of us.

00:11:51: Can't stand the sight of people who are suffering so much because of it.

00:11:55: There are so many people who aren't doing well right now and I know for me because I feel like a raw egg these days we're pretty much anything can send me into sort of a crying fit

00:12:06: it's so hard to see how people are suffering how our family is suffering maybe maybe it's not even people we know just watching the news does a number on my mental health.

00:12:16: But just sort of understanding that there's a whole lot we're not dealing with and working is a strategy against that.

00:12:25: Right working for me is a total repression technique.

00:12:30: It's a Wonderful way to be productive which I like to be and useful which I like to be even more and to really numb myself.

00:12:39: Right I think we all can relate to people at this point who numb.

00:12:43: Themselves in any ways whether it's Workaholics alcoholics you know hardcore drugs whatever it is this is a time especially

00:12:52: especially hard for all those Among Us who have had addiction problems who have might even return to their addictions God forbid right and so to just keep understanding,

00:13:01: that if it's something we're not dealing with to get support other than the addiction.

00:13:07: The work whatever it is were using to really call that person call that friend call Mom call your children whatever it is.

00:13:17: And to get support so that even if we decide we can't deal right now we don't want to deal right now maybe that's what we say to our friend on the phone let's not talk about the pandemic I just want to say I'm really sad or I'm really angry I'm tired I'm frustrated.

00:13:32: I'm fatigued.

00:13:33: But trying to see if there's the recognition that were repressing something here with all the work and distraction that we're putting into our work.

00:13:43: And as a strategy for that would have really started to do is that I've started to just.

00:13:48: Observe the trees outside my window it's springtime over here in Berlin right now not that you'd know it much cuz this cold over here it's like come on man I thought

00:13:58: up in pandemic can't stop Springtime but apparently again no but all jokes aside I've been looking at the trees the cherry blossoms are in full bloom right now rain or no rain cold or no cold and to just notice,

00:14:11: notice that's outside in nature life is going on life is pushing forth no matter what's happening

00:14:19: the you can see it the trees the branches everything is filling in again there's a certain abundance making itself known and I know it's really hard to feel abundance especially if you're sick right now lonely

00:14:32: whatever it is abundance I think we all feel scarcity first and then abundance seems like a really remote concept.

00:14:40: There is abundance at least in nature and if you're lucky enough to have trees and nature around you to maybe just observe I know the idea of going into nature during the pandemic is a huge one right now I know it's not new,

00:14:52: that does make it less important to remind ourselves that this is an option and even if things feel stagnant and Frozen in a certain state.

00:15:03: That does not apply to Nature and to the planet and lastly what I want to say a little tool a few of them.

00:15:11: For me has been really helpful go back to writing not on the computer.

00:15:16: Not anything that's sensical not on the Whiteboard which I'm a total whiteboard geek right a love my white board and I love my software that I can organize things with but actually returning to the analog.

00:15:28: Idea of writing and just writing unsorted how you feel because sometimes I don't want to call people I don't want witnesses to the incredibly.

00:15:38: Maybe childish complaints I have the the self-pity.

00:15:42: Anger the hatred towards some people who are just bugging the fuck out of me right I don't want Witnesses sometimes sometimes I'm okay but other times that give my only witness I'm going to have right here is going to be my paper,

00:15:55: and here's my pen and I put pen to paper and write down everything that's going on I've also sometimes what I do feel a little insecure.

00:16:05: No not insecure unsafe about it because it's

00:16:08: then becomes public knowledge as soon as it's on the phone but I record how I'm feeling today when I'm too tired to write and I just can't get it together and it's three o'clock in the morning and again I'm not sleeping I record how I feel

00:16:22: I don't censor myself at all I really I say whatever the fuck I want as you know I apparently I say that in my podcast too but I do it in my voice memos even more but whatever it is

00:16:35: get it out of the system try not to use your work as a distraction as an immersive technique it's good for a while but not always and instead come back to a more private sphere

00:16:47: where you can spill out all the things that are going on for you the things you don't want to deal with write them down and then that's it you've dealt you've dealt with them in the way that as possible to you now

00:16:59: another thing that I want to add before I close here sometimes I'm walking along somewhere and I'll have noticed something nice specific thing I live near railroad tracks.

00:17:11: And a lot of times the kindergarten children with their supervisors they stand at the bridge at the top and you can

00:17:18: see the train then sort of coming towards you and under the bridge and these kids will stand there and they'll wave and wave and they're so hoping they're so hoping

00:17:28: that the train conductor will wave back or even blow his or her horn and then they do

00:17:35: kids will be waving and you hear the Horn of that train and you know there's no obstacle in his or her way it's just them

00:17:41: letting the kids know I saw you and playing the game with them and every time that happens to me it's like what this Vietnamese Monk.

00:17:50: I think Nathan says it's a bell of mindfulness and that horn which is not a pleasant sound but reminds me that there's so much still here that can remind us that

00:18:01: there's still people who have you know getting up every day they're writing your train they're driving your train there you know scanning your food at the supermarket

00:18:10: all these little small lives all our little small lives somehow managing to get up again that morning and even smiling while they're working for you.

00:18:20: That's a lot a lot of abundance right there and it's helped me to remind myself and to really insist.

00:18:27: That these things happen and that I see them.

00:18:31: So I hope this was helpful to you I'm hoping I'll be able to come back on a more regular schedule now that I've found my sea legs a little bit and

00:18:40: yeah be with you hear your questions read your e-mails I always love when you comment I've seen some new.

00:18:46: Reviews I'd love it if you haven't reviewed the podcast already if you could also maybe leave a little comment it's always such encouragement for me to hear from you.

00:18:55: I hope you're well I hope you're doing okay in this time and looking forward to speaking with you and to you next time all my love.

00:19:04: Music.