00:00:00: Music.
00:00:07: Do you welcome back to another episode of bitch breathe my name is ricardia.
00:00:13: So this has been a really exciting Journey so far I've been getting so many messages from you and I've been starting to think okay how can we sort of be in touch with each other have our own little
00:00:25: bitch brief Community if you will so I have started a Facebook group.
00:00:31: It's a private group so that we can share thoughts and feelings that aren't necessarily the concern of the public if you will so I'll put the.
00:00:40: Facebook group name or the link to it in the show notes and the group itself is of course called bit Brave.
00:00:48: Alrighty so today I want to talk about a subject that by its title.
00:00:55: Might seem like I'm going a very specific Direction which would be.
00:00:59: As the title says spiritual sexism and how there's discrimination sort of against.
00:01:06: Certain groups in my case I'm going to focus on women in the spiritual see now while that is what I'm going to be talking about I wanted to.
00:01:15: Mmm engage with you on a level that might not necessarily be as obvious so bear with me here
00:01:23: I've found in my practice as some of you know I'm a yoga teacher and meditation instructor so I found in some of my practice that.
00:01:34: The language didn't often feel like it was written for women and that's my first sort of tool that I want to focus on is the language in which we are
00:01:45: instructed as Yogi's as beginning meditation practitioners whatever it is I often thought that.
00:01:53: It seemed to be for men why do I say that what are some of the sort of key words that I.
00:02:00: Saw there and what it was was this instruction to sit very still to be very
00:02:08: strict some of the older Buddhist instructions can be really.
00:02:13: I want to say they border on on harsh where you're instructed to sit very still like I said and.
00:02:21: Empty your head and really sort of.
00:02:25: Not do anything or be very sort of static now even though in today's world especially now that yoga and meditation practices have been imported into the west and these last several decades of course some of that language has softened
00:02:38: but I want to get behind the intention of this language and to me it speaks to men because.
00:02:48: It's
00:02:50: not necessarily great for women to sit still we're not wired in the same way that men are so this isn't an obvious sexism where someone saying no do this and only men can do this that's not what I mean it's more like I don't feel represented by the kind of instruction I am given
00:03:09: because for me often even though meditation has been an incredible and.
00:03:15: Important practice for me one that I don't want to miss a lot of times I feel like the sitting still emptying your head and focusing on one thing
00:03:26: my brain is not necessarily wired
00:03:28: this way my brain is wired to focus on several different things combined them in ways that might not necessarily look like an obvious
00:03:38: a choice at the beginning but that actually synchronizes very different aspects that then make me able
00:03:46: to meditate and get into a certain State you've heard me mention this a lot before I talk about dancing specifically as something that I use not just for a fun thing but as a real tool.
00:03:58: To focus and to Center and to reconnect back to Earth so this whole instruction of sitting still for an enormous amount of time and being very strict about that feels to me like something.
00:04:12: That's men
00:04:14: I don't know I'm more able to do or their brains are more wired to do so but it never feels like something that I actually find helpful
00:04:24: all the time like sometimes on some days it's great to just sit still and really sort of focus on this one thing on other days for me
00:04:33: I have to integrate other aspects like I said the dancing is one thing and then I can sit still the other is the mantra.
00:04:42: Meditation where I can sing and really sort of bring in sound
00:04:47: and vibration as part of the practice guided meditations are great for me the music is great or just having their own sound in the background but for me it's sort of cherry picking
00:04:59: from different tools and then having them converge
00:05:03: MB my meditation practice as opposed to just sitting still and focusing on one thing now.
00:05:13: It could be that this is heavily subjective right like maybe this works for many many people especially if you've practiced for a really long time female people are female identified that is but
00:05:25: I wanted to point it out because I think it's so important too
00:05:30: I have this idea that men and women meditate differently that we operate.
00:05:37: From a different wiring and not to focus too much on just how different we are because there's so much talk about that out there but to acknowledge.
00:05:46: That.
00:05:47: A lot a lot a lot of the meditation practices out there especially the older ones and I love all of them this is not to criticize them
00:05:56: but in Buddhism that I've actually been a lot of essays by women Buddhist practitioners about the language there and how it only focuses on men obviously an organized religion you've got an incredible amount of
00:06:10: male focus and how men.
00:06:13: Pursued their spirituality and there's not so much about how women should do that but I'll get into that specific thing a little bit later so just to sort of round this up to look for.
00:06:27: The language the kind of language you find in meditation instructions and see does that really fit your organic makeup.
00:06:36: The kind of organism the kind of wiring in your brain and indeed in your heart and the rest of your body that you are working with here.
00:06:45: So that was tool number one focusing on language tool number 2.
00:06:51: There's this idea sometimes in spirituality and the spiritual seen that it shouldn't be so important if we're a man or if we're women because we're all human.
00:07:04: Now if you've been in any
00:07:05: way woke over the last couple of years especially with this new feminist movement and the sort of very very nuanced conversations that are now happening around male female but especially female empowerment black lives matter all these things you'll notice that
00:07:25: this is a very important ingredient is to acknowledge that when someone says we're all human
00:07:32: that does not necessarily include women.
00:07:38: That's as much or more even in the political scene in societal circles as it is in spirituality
00:07:45: often you'll find that if you question some of the instructions or the language around the instructions a teacher will say but we're all human it doesn't matter and this was just a tradition where there were a lot of male quests or a male gods or whatever it is
00:08:03: but see that's not necessarily true.
00:08:07: These are just the ones that got recorded these are the ones that made the headlines and that survived the oral tradition to the written tradition if you will but there were female.
00:08:20: Meditation practitioners alongside the male ones or before some of the male ones even so to say that it doesn't matter the language because we're all human
00:08:32: that doesn't cut it not in politics and not in spirituality because if you're saying we're all human.
00:08:39: You just made me invisible because you're not acknowledging that I as a.
00:08:44: Woman or a female identified need a certain kind of a dress a certain way of instruction and maybe even compassion you know looking at me from a different angle and representing me
00:08:59: in the instructions and the language and the environment that you create so that was tool.
00:09:07: Number two is to really look at the idea that yes we are all human but make sure that the other fifty percent of the human population feels represented
00:09:19: in our practice and this goes especially for us as teachers is to really question.
00:09:25: Where these meditation practices these methods come from and maybe you know softening adjusting them to who it is that is sitting in front of us in our meditation.
00:09:38: Next tool number three I believe.
00:09:42: In many spiritual traditions and.
00:09:49: Yeah indeed organized religion to there's this big word of
00:09:53: sharing and considering others and let's not forget the golden rule of Love Thy Neighbor
00:09:59: and this is very very dominant in many traditions and to really consider your neighbor to not be so egotistical and to look out for each other.
00:10:10: What I find slightly problematic about this sometimes is that again I feel like.
00:10:16: Do I really need this instruction as a woman
00:10:20: and I came to the conclusion that of course we can always do more sharing and can always practice more compassion but I find this instruction to not be so useful for women especially because it's mostly women still unfortunately sitting in these
00:10:36: classes workshops meditation.
00:10:40: Sessions whatever it is but we already share so much a lot of time we share.
00:10:47: The burdens with each other we share everything we have especially if we're mothers I don't care for mothers of other people's children or
00:10:55: mothers of our own children or where you know birthing projects where a lot of people need to be considered it doesn't matter but sharing and looking out for other people.
00:11:06: I don't know if I'm hard-wired for it.
00:11:08: That's always the nature-nurture thing right or if I've been raised this way but that's something that comes very natural to me and when I look at my relatives or my.
00:11:21: Friends of the female persuasion if you will they all naturally share and I find that.
00:11:31: Little bit problematic because especially in the spiritual scene
00:11:35: then women tend to sort of share even more or they feel they're not doing enough and then here it comes you know it will the idea of not being good enough so by sharing even more this is going to make me a better person
00:11:49: you can see why I might that find this highly problematic right because
00:11:55: here there are there 70 the 80% women sitting in these classes being told to be more compassionate that we need to really work work harder on ourselves so that we can share more of ourselves and I'm thinking.
00:12:10: Is probably women sitting here workin two jobs raising kids by themselves taking care of Aging parents and maybe there's some volunteer in some NGO or other charitable organization and they're supposed to share more
00:12:24: it just my heart went out to them because I.
00:12:28: I've worked in the spiritual seen from many many years now and of course please let me know if you disagree but in my in my experience I've seen this happen over and over these women who are working on their inner transformation who feel they need to do more to be more to be
00:12:47: updated and loved more and that is the part.
00:12:51: I'm concerned about it's not that I feel like there's inherent sexism in the word sharing or that we shouldn't look at this aspect but I feel the
00:13:01: people who met and here's my Prejudice if you want.
00:13:05: The people who may need to see or listen to this more are generally more mail and I'm not blaming men as people who are egotistical and who don't share but I don't think that
00:13:19: men are being raised to be of a sharing and consider it.
00:13:25: Nature and I don't think they're being raised to constantly transform themselves part of this is.
00:13:32: Obviously not their responsibility that's ours as mothers who are raising male children right is to raise them as sharing entities of society who actually give a shit about how other people are doing.
00:13:47: And of course there are women who don't share so please don't think I'm making some sort of hate argument here not my intention at all.
00:13:56: Very much on the contrary is to just bring us all to the same page where.
00:14:01: The idea of sharing and working on yourself and improving is not only done.
00:14:09: By the women in society that the inner work of spirituality is not just
00:14:16: female 1 now I know that we can be channels for this and I know that there are a lot of books and thoughts out there about men needing women to channel their spirituality I don't want to put that into question
00:14:31: I think it's a very interesting idea I'm not even sure if I don't believe some of it
00:14:38: but I still think that when we're in
00:14:42: the spiritual context where there's many many women to maybe not so much focus on they're sharing their doing and transforming and and Performing but for us to raise.
00:14:56: Male children who will do that
00:14:59: to teach our male partners and relatives that this isn't just our job so it is our responsibility to as women as women who practice in spirituality or dabble in it even if you will is to.
00:15:14: Look at what is being said the whole sharing you know the whole mother ID and spirituality I mean come on Christianity mother.
00:15:22: Mary Mother Teresa the grandmother idea right it's always female and yes Mother Earth and I don't disagree with any of this but let's incorporate
00:15:36: and let's bring on board the males to share to in a very very broad sense of the word sharing.
00:15:45: And transformational work.
00:15:47: So I focus on that one rather long as you might have noticed because it's really really important to me and I just love to hear your opinion about that particular tool right there
00:15:58: so piggybacking on that one of course comes my next tool.
00:16:03: And that one is to seek out female instructors and Role Models this one's probably so obvious that it might not have needed to have been listed but.
00:16:13: I really believe I'm a strong believer in the idea of representation and that I think it was Alice Walker who said that you can't be what you can't see.
00:16:24: And the reason I say that is not for some while it's probably political because my spirituality has always been political and my.
00:16:32: Political thinking has always been informed by my spiritual practice so I can't necessarily disentangle the to but what I mean by this is that I didn't even notice.
00:16:42: When I was being instructed only by male teachers reading only male literature and you know all these debates and arguments that are taking place right now in.
00:16:53: The framework of the new feminism so I don't need to go there for the moment but I do want to stress the importance
00:17:01: of having female instructors and luckily most yoga teachers are many of them are female but that's not necessarily what I mean they're actually I would love more male teachers to get things balanced out but I mean to
00:17:16: have female spiritual practitioners who are in full possession of their power so what do I mean by that the.
00:17:26: Female teachers a lot of times.
00:17:29: And a half to include myself here unfortunately we tend to replicate the kind of students
00:17:38: that come to us or we're very similar to the students that come to us maybe I should put it that way the whole idea of like attracts like so what often happened was that I ran into teachers
00:17:50: ran into myself who were very compassionate who knew their stuff who could really really guide you through a yoga practice safely and lovingly No Doubt
00:18:03: I've met many teachers like that and I've loved and do still love many teachers.
00:18:09: But what I didn't meet so often and what I think we all need support with and what we need to exchange with each other about is to be in a full female Force.
00:18:22: So not to be afraid to say how angry you are sometimes I talked a lot about this in my last episode not to say that you've
00:18:29: failed sometimes but you got back up again so not focusing on sort of the victim story or the sadness that you feel let's say for the pandemic and everything that
00:18:40: at that entails right now but to really acknowledge the full idea that we have power.
00:18:47: And that we are able to relay joy and to focus on practicing Joy were so good on practicing what hurts right now how do I feel where have I been traumatized but we have not properly been taught Joy.
00:19:00: Have you been taught Joy like actually had a lesson in Troy I know for me it's been frightfully few and have had to actively seek it out and I want to see joyful women I want to become that joyful.
00:19:14: Teacher who's in full
00:19:15: possession of all her power and who owns her mistakes and who owns her shortcomings and teaches other women to do the same because this is something I really love about men.
00:19:28: There's a lot of things I love about men but this is something I really love about them they don't dwell on
00:19:34: mistakes and though I know there is a whole other side to that way they may be dwelled too little on it but I don't want to get into that right now I'm not interested in that I'm interested in the fact.
00:19:45: That they bounce back.
00:19:46: They'll be like didn't go so well or yeah I guess I should have been focused more on that this and the other but they don't sit there and sell flagellate and victimize themselves over this huge mistake or shortcoming that they have and
00:20:01: even though yes that had can have other consequences I like that idea to see a woman there in front of us a female instructor or role model who says yes.
00:20:10: That didn't go so well but you know what I'm going to fix it next time and that is what I want to see more in all of us
00:20:17: this is a very much a desire for my own teaching and my own self practice is to come into
00:20:24: power and to seek out other women who can lead and who can teach us how to be powerful.
00:20:33: Alright the next tool.
00:20:35: Goes hand-in-hand with this one and that is to seek out the goddesses the female Buddha's and all the female tradition and spirituality
00:20:46: by the time organized by organized religion came around this was very much a male effort spearheaded by mail.
00:20:56: Religious practitioners and so female spirituality the whole Wiccan Pagan Traditions they all got quite confused and
00:21:08: sort of mingled with the organized religion and in the worst case they got lost so it's.
00:21:15: Quite a quest to find spiritual leadership.
00:21:21: Coming from a female side so seek out female Buddha's that were too
00:21:26: by the way to enlightened Buddha figures who are actually female one is Tara I believe I'm not
00:21:34: as anchored in the Buddhist tradition as I am in the in the Hindu one sometimes but I did dig deep and so I came upon these two ladies and to really look out for the language.
00:21:46: The imagery of the books you read and if you're into tarot cards for example these can very often be all male figures on the pictures but this beautiful female ones I think one is by what's her name she wrote the book which
00:22:00: I'll have to pop her in the show notes but she made a wonderful Taro set that's actually round cards
00:22:06: which I really loved tarot cards don't have to be angular and what I consider very masculine looking I've also got a beautiful masculine one don't get me wrong it's with inspired by images by I would like Dura an artist so it's not like we can't have those but I also like to just have like females everywhere Phim round cards as opposed to angular female protagonist
00:22:31: and and this I find particularly interesting
00:22:35: female spiritual Warriors females who are on a quest for spirituality keyword as on Doc for example.
00:22:43: Rights are really looking for those historical figures that have female who were victorious
00:22:49: who really made changes in the spiritual World certainly also in the in the consensual reality of
00:22:58: of the non spiritual Universe if you will.
00:23:01: But really looking for these female warriors and female Buddhas and goddesses because there's a lot out there.
00:23:09: And for me my mom's Irish I've mentioned this in many other podcast before so I went to look for the Celtic Women of course.
00:23:16: And believe me this is so much fun.
00:23:20: I as a child also loved Greek mythology and I love the female goddesses I mean how can you not love Aphrodite for example of course or so our Medusa.
00:23:33: I loved Medusa I thought wow that girl he got him she's someone to be reckoned with you know in the Hindu tradition I love Durga Durga has strength grout she's sitting on that tiger and.
00:23:46: Even more I love Carly who destroys and then rebuilds I mean there's so much fun to be had with this seek him out the female warriors and goddesses.
00:23:57: And then lastly and I could use a whole episode or two on this one the whole idea of sexuality and spirituality.
00:24:07: So again with the organized religion or with male spiritual explorers the idea of sexuality has been a big No-No in so many.
00:24:18: Maybe all I obviously haven't exhausted my knowledge of spiritual Traditions but most spiritual traditions.
00:24:26: Either ignore the idea of sexuality
00:24:29: I certainly haven't met with that topic and many yoga classes or workshops or sort of female circles
00:24:39: actually I've made it in female circles but sort of circles where females and males were invited and I've also
00:24:47: notice that if it weren't wasn't ignored it was punished in some way I want to say.
00:24:54: To me sexuality can be a vessel or a conduit for spirituality or you can totally abuse it as we all know.
00:25:05: The stories of abuse and what can go horribly wrong there I'm not going to focus on that so much
00:25:11: if we practice for a while we're aware of what can happen there the transgressions that have happened the way that men have used their power to mansplain to abuse and to
00:25:24: steer the conversation around spirituality so we know about that I've also fallen into the Trap of you know sort of only being instructed by by men.
00:25:37: Around certain subjects when it came to meditation or whatever and that was no ill meaning on their side but it was a very male-dominated
00:25:47: situation that way the man's explaining to me how spirituality works and that's totally fine because I sought him out but it didn't necessarily represent so that's not what I want to talk about I want to talk about as
00:26:01: our sexuality being a very spiritual undertaking if you will and to really acknowledge
00:26:09: that when we have sex with someone else male female anything in between.
00:26:16: And mostly with ourselves that kind of sexuality that this can be a very spiritual practice and to just understand the kind of energy we're giving out here so.
00:26:27: Let me back up a little bit as a younger woman I didn't realize what it was I was.
00:26:34: Putting out there if you will when I was having sex with my partners I think many of us can attribute to this fact I didn't think it was important for me to have an orgasm I just thought this is something I'm going to have to sort of
00:26:46: except along the ride because I'm now in a relationship and I'm a teenager and I want to explore
00:26:52: and all that and then eventually hopefully you transcend that you learn to
00:26:57: insist on orgasms if that is what you want to do you insist on also experiencing Joy so all those things that's one aspect of sexuality and again.
00:27:08: That is very very individual and how you grew up but what I want to get into more as the whole idea of energy
00:27:16: and I didn't realize back then how much energy I was putting out for this other person and how much healing energy.
00:27:25: Is in that.
00:27:27: And that's the aspect that I'm interested in that's what I want to get to this whole idea that sexuality doesn't have to be something separate from spirituality in fact if you go way back
00:27:39: before it was controlled and separated and made into this duality of things
00:27:44: they did belong together in fact the first sort of saddest Yogi explorers what was the first position they had the only Asuna.
00:27:54: Was the Lotus position the easy pose as it's called and why because you could move your.
00:27:59: He'll more towards the perineum and have a very comfortable nice feeling I thought that was so cute when I first found that out because I was like see
00:28:08: there they saw the connection but then they sort of did away with it because it was all bad and you were supposed to focus on just being spiritual and none of the physical side and almost denying the body but today we know.
00:28:20: Are we at least have the opportunity to learn that sexuality and spirituality they belong together
00:28:28: as one tool as meditation as all the others and this is just one tool to really heal each other to connect and
00:28:36: again I could get into this in a whole other episode I can't do it right now for time reasons but I want to invite us all to explore the idea
00:28:45: that having sex isn't just having sex if you want it that way whatever I'm that's totally fine that's.
00:28:52: Obviously another way to go about it but if we want to look for a deeper connection.
00:28:57: A deeper healing between two or more whatever strikes your fancy people then there has to be the.
00:29:07: Acknowledgement.
00:29:08: That you're putting out energy that you're giving somebody to something to somebody else and as females are female identified
00:29:17: even much more so you're putting out a lot of energy make sure the other person recognizes that.
00:29:26: Holds it for you and acknowledges that.
00:29:31: I don't want to say this is a gift because they're also gifting themselves to you so it's not just women victim giving everything not what I mean
00:29:39: but there is healing power in this and I want to invite us all to explore that there's a lot of literature out there
00:29:45: here in Berlin where I live there's a lot of workshops out there on that and to really get into this idea that sexuality and spirituality don't have to be.
00:29:56: Two separate entities in fact I insist.
00:29:59: That they're very very close to each other in their nature in their very very source of things.
00:30:06: All right I hope this was a helpful episode for you I was a little bit longer than I had intended but anyway I look forward to your feedback as always thank you so much for all the messages you're sending
00:30:20: please look into the show notes for the Facebook group I would love to hear from you there and until.
00:30:26: Very soon stay well and stay good to yourselves.
